Do you ever have to deal with negative people? What's that like? It's like they suck all the good things out of life. It drains your energy.

Why are people negative? It could be because it's a bad habit. It could be because they just had something happen recently that upset them. Most likely, it is because of their negative self talk going on in their mind.

There are only four ways all emotions are created - chemical or hormonal change in the body, damage to the brain or the central nervous system, self talk and the pictures we make up in our mind, or something happening to your physiology - you're too hot, you're way too cold, you're physically injured, you're in pain. Of those, between 65% and 75% of all of the negativity comes from negative self talk. Negative self talk is where most of your emotions are created.

So what do we do to help somebody who has that pattern running? It doesn't help them to sit and commiserate. When you sit there let them talk to you day after day, and they're griping in the same way, it is not helping you and it is not helping them. You may think you're being a good friend, you may think you're being a good boss. It is not to your benefit or to their benefit to allow them to go on and on.

The reason they do that is they are getting a payoff. A payoff from being negative? Yes, a pay off. The payoff is they get your sympathy, they get your time, you listen to them, you commiserate, they may feel sympathy from you, they get all kinds of payoffs. So when you stop the payoff, the negativity goes away. You need to quit feeding the negativity.

Does this mean that if somebody has a problem you can't listen to it? I'm not saying that. I'm talking about when you're around somebody who ongoingly keeps whining and griping and going on and on, you're not helping them by being the person that they always come to, to whine and gripe. And it makes you feel lousy.

If someone is upset you need to pay attention to how they feel and circumstances around them. There may be situations that have caused their distress. Be empathetic, listen if you feel it's appropriate, yet don't get caught up in their emotional drama.

The best thing you can do for someone who is having a rough time, it to stay resourceful. This means you manage your own internal state. If you get sucked into their upset, you are not doing either of you a favor. Only by staying in control of you, will you have the clarity of mind and resilience needed to help pull them out of the negativity.

You need to model the positive. You need to stay up. Let them see what a positive person's life is like. Everyone wants that. When they start to go off on a negative tangent, if you think you must do it, then just talk about their difficulty for a moment, then switch the subject to something more positive. You don't have to be rude. You can be tactful about it but, you need to move them beyond their gripes. You don't want to get pulled in to their negativity.

Don't take on their drama. It's not your job. It is not your job to listen to them and allow them to go on and on day after day. It doesn't help them. It does not help you. Model the positive. Stay on top of your own game and you can much better assist them. Don't get sucked into their troubles. Be the model for positive. Show them what being up is like, and you help build their desire for a better more positive existence. Make the choice for positive.

The Best of Success to You!