So you’re single. And you’ve been single. The problem is that you’re actively trying to NOT be single. Maybe there’s even a girl you’d like to not be single with. And maybe you just cannot figure out what you’re doing wrong. Don’t you wish someone would just tell you what it is? Great! Because I’m going to.

Over the years I’ve noticed that there are a number of dating approaches and "moves" that guys seem to use to try and woo girls. I have no idea where they originated or why they’re still being attempted. The only conclusion I can make is that guys don’t have the kind of relationship with their dude friends where they can honestly discuss all their awkward moves in order to figure out what they’re doing wrong. Well, my friends, here is a blatantly honest guide to what you’re doing wrong. Now you can’t say no one ever told you!

1. Being a jerk

The art of being an jerk is just that. An art. I repeat , the art of being an jerk is a true art. And unless you are an artist, you are NOT pulling this one off. I can’t even count the number of times I have heard guys give girl advice to other guys and say that being a dick or acting hot and cold is the way to go. Do you know what the tangible equivalent of that is? It’s like taking away a logger’s chainsaw, handing him a scalpel and asking him to perform open heart surgery. You don’t give delicate tools to someone who doesn’t know how to use them.

Besides, and most importantly, you don’t want the kind of girls being an jerk attracts. Someone who is difficult and presents an impossible challenge only attracts dumb, insecure girls who maybe kinda hate themselves. They may be hot but that’s the worst part. They don’t believe it and they won’t believe you when you tell them and they’ll always be on the lookout for the next jerk who can try to convince them they’re pretty. Read: They will cheat on you. I repeat, they will cheat on you. They have a void that is insatiable and once you finally open up to them and drop the jerk attitude, they will leave you for the next challenge. Or they will suffocate you and become neurotically jealous. Lesson? Give up whatever "cool guy" image you have attached to the goal of being an jerk. Plus, it’ll just bore all the smart, sane girls you meet and eventually scare them away. Don't play tecmo super bowl in front of her either.

2. Being apathetic

This is the wimpier cousin of the jerk. You may not be mean to girls and you may not flirt with other girls in front of them and you may not make vague put-downs to them to push them away, but you will ignore them or not care about what they’re saying. You think this ensures that you won’t appear too eager or too invested. It’s a self-defense mechanism. I get it. But really, it just convinces girls that you’re not interested or that you’re mind-numbingly boring. Ask questions about her day. Listen to the answers. You can’t make yourself care about someone, so if the Q+A’s legitimately bore you, move on. But if you are interested, that you means you probably like her. So don’t pretend that you could care less, because she’ll definitely believe you.

3. Being creepy

For the millionth time, most girls are just as pervy as guys. But they’re shy. They have to feel comfortable around a guy to let that side of them show. So when they start seeing a guy and he whips out all the innuendos and tries sexting right from the get go, it just looks like they have no self- control or concept of social boundaries. It also looks like he’s only after sex and not dating. And dude, don’t be fooled.

They may giggle at these jokes or tentatively play along, which sadly encourages you, but they are going home to their girlfriends, telling them all about your "sense of humor" and asking them if you’re weird. Or they feel like crap, like you think less of them. It’s the kiss of death. Just hold back. I’m not saying change who you are or misrepresent yourself, I’m just saying don’t fly your freak flag until there’s some wind. If you really like a girl and you’re not just trying to hook up with her, reign in the pervert side for a month or two.

4. Being too nice

Every emo guy I have ever met has whined about this to me. "Girls always say they want nice guys, but then they always tell me they can’t date me because I’m too nice." Blah blah blah. It takes a great deal of self-restraint not to roll my eyes when I hear this, because I know the truth and it’s baffling how many "nice" guys can’t tell the difference between being genuinely nice and being spineless or being a stalker. Let me draw some guidelines for you. Laughing even when her jokes are stupid. Nice guy. Not making her feel dumb when she doesn’t know something. Nice guy. Not cheating on her. Nice guy. Cuddling from time to time. Nice guy. Helping her build her Ikea furniture. Nice guy. Cooking for her once a year. Nice guy. Being polite to her friends without hitting on them. Nice guy. Not freaking out and getting distant when we want to have a serious talk about the state of our union.

Nice guy. Ok? It’s simple. You, being the gentle soul that you are, don’t know how many guys out there can’t do any of these things. Which is why, when we say "nice", our definition and standards are really, really low. Need further clarification? Trying to cuddle with her, hold her or engage in PDA at all times. Suffocating guy. Texting her 20 times a day when you truly have nothing to say other than "what’s up?" Annoying guy. "Surprising" her ALL the time at her home, her job, school, just because you wanted to see her. Stalker guy. Paying for her all the time, buying her anything she blinks at or supporting her financially within the first six months of the relationship. Spineless guy. Being "honest about your emotions", which includes, but is not limited to, somehow asking her to compliment you a million times a day and/or promise you that she likes you or thinks you’re cute. Insecure guy. Can you differentiate yet?