Just recently, a client of mine asked me if I believed that people really can change because there had been certain behaviours he just couldn't seem to turn into habits for himself.

So is it possible? Can people really change and have it last?

Richard Bandler, co-creator of NLP and someone who probably knows more about personal change than any other living person says there are three steps to enduring change:

1. People must become so sick and tired of having the problem that they decide they must change.

2. They have to see their problem from a new perspective.

3. New and appealing options must be found or created, and pursued.

I packed up smoking well over ten years ago. I was so sick of it I had to stop. The process I went through was to link massive pain to the consequences of continuing. I imagined the doctor telling me I had some awful disease and what that would feel like. I imagined telling my family and how they would feel. I really associated into this, which lead to significant shift. I began to see myself as a non-smoker.

The new and better options for me were to become fitter, feel confident about my health and stop stinking like an ashtray.

I stopped smoking and the interesting thing is that I never had any withdrawal symptoms. None at all. I didn't crave a cigarette and never have. I believe the reason is that I fully decided, 100%, that I was a non-smoker. This is very different from being a smoker who is only trying to give up.

I'm not a big believer in will power because it so often fails. It works for a few days...maybe a few weeks...but people can only consciously keep going in this way for a limited period. How many smokers, dieters, drinkers etc, go back to how they were (or worse)?

The reason is that will power is used to try and overcome the urge to continue what it is you are attempting to stop. In other words the focus is on stopping or giving up something.

One of the most stupid things I've ever read is a leaflet about giving up smoking. It begins something along the lines of..."It's very difficult to give up smoking..." If you reinforce that kind of belief how on earth are people going to stop easily?

Lasting change is about creating a new identity for yourself as the person you truly want to be. To do this you have to:

1. Decide what you really want and associate huge pain to not changing (because you won't take action unless you feel some pressure) and huge pleasure to attaining your goal.

2. Create a new way of looking at the situation and yourself. Who do you need to become?

3. Commit and condition yourself to the new and better alternative.

People change because they begin to believe that they can. It starts with a sense of possibility. As soon as you open up to the possibility of change then the process of change has already begun. As Dr. Robert Anthony said "You can have anything you want if you will give up the belief that you can't have it."

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