Shopaholic?

A great life could be lurking beneath your bad habit!

shopaholic

Are you a shopaholic? If so, you’re not alone. According to recent studies, as many as one out of twelve people (almost as many men as women) are compulsive shoppers.

Whether you’ve racked up thousands of dollars in credit card debt or you only turn to retail therapy as an occasional pick me up, you may have a bad habit that’s costing you more than you realize.

Shopping, for many people, has become a Soft Addiction—an everyday activity that we overdo that robs us of time, money, energy, and happiness.

So what’s the problem? Well, if you’re like most people, you leap into action only when your credit card creeps up enough to scare you. Or you may wait until a spouse, roommate, or partner gets angry at you. Even then, you will probably only make short-term surface changes to your spending habits—tearing up cards, holding back on binge spending, foregoing a sale item or two. Sure, you may do better for a while, but without looking at the full costs of an even occasional habit, you’ll never address the real reason for your desire to shop ‘till you drop. And, you will never make the changes you need to have a great life.

Think of the typical smoker who stops smoking but turns to eating instead. Without addressing the costs and causes of our soft addictions, we simply substitute one for another or make changes that don’t last.

And don’t kid yourself. A shopping habit hits you in more places than your pocketbook—it also robs energy, steals time, numbs your feelings, causes tension and bickering in relationships, distracts you from your true dreams, and keeps you from being fulfilled and satisfied in life.

How do you know if it’s a soft addiction or a fulfilling hobby? Ask yourself these key questions.

How much time do you spend?

Maybe you keep your credit card debt in line but you spend hours roaming the mall, surfing online for that perfect outfit or the coolest gadget, or glazing over catalogues. If you’re wasting away hours that could be spent moving you towards your dreams, then you’re likely in a soft addiction.

What is your motivation?

Do you shop to feel better about yourself, fill up unscheduled time, escape your emotions, or because you can’t resist a sale? Or are you simply shopping for some well needed clothing that expresses your personal image or budget-appropriate furnishings to improve the space in your home? Escaping, avoiding boredom, or feeling pulled toward a sale is likely a signal that it’s a soft addiction.

What are you feeling?

Do you shop when you’re bored or angry or sad—or even when you’re happy? If so, you may be using shopping as retail therapy—a way to avoid your feelings or the challenges you are facing—rather than addressing your true needs. Think about how you feel before, during, and after your spending spree. Before shopping are you anxious, jittery, bored, angry or afraid? During shopping are you zoned out, numbed out or even on a false high or buzz? Afterward, do you feel shameful, high, agitated, embarrassed, foggy, or even forgetful of what you just purchased? Any of these check points can let you know that you’re in the soft addiction shopaholic mode rather than enjoying a much needed shopping trip.

Keep in mind, this isn’t an either/or inventory. Sometimes we shop because we need to make a purchase and other times we use it as an escape. The bottom line is shopping, or any soft addiction, is not a sin. While these habits do have real costs and implications in our lives, we are much more likely to effect change when we try to see them as indicators—data points telling us there is something more we need or something we need to address.

What are you hoping your shopping will do for you?

If you think that new dress will make you irresistible (make him ask you out), or that new gadget will make you the envy of your friends, or if you just don’t want to face the emptiness of a Saturday afternoon (or of your life), then you are imagining some magical result that you think your shopping will bring you. Whether you shop as a boost for your self-esteem, to bring a sense of newness in your life, or avoid uncomfortable emotions, there are far more satisfying ways to meet those needs, once you know what they are, that will bring you lasting results.

What can you do about it?

Tell the truth.

You need to recognize that there is no quick fix to the habits you’ve formed over years or even decades. Recognizing your shopaholic habit means waking up, and raising your awareness about the costs of your habit. Sure you may be the shopaholic who is literally "paying the price" through outrageous credit card percentages or soaring debt, but you may be paying the price in other ways. If you’re using shopping to escape a relationship issue or tension at work then you’re not getting the real support you need. Or if you shop out of loneliness you’re not likely to find the friends you need at the mall.

Tip! A sense of humor can go a long way towards having compassion for yourself to be more willing to tell the truth.

Add activities to meet your deeper needs.

Use what I call the "Math of MORE." With the Math of MORE, rather than just cutting back on your shopping habit, look at what your deeper need is and instead, add in or "shop" for activities that meet that deeper need. For example, if you shop because you are lonely, start to shop for friends to build a stronger network of support—people you can call and talk to when you’re lonely rather than turning to the mall as a distraction. If you have a deeper need to feel excitement and adventure, shop for other ways that you can add adventure to your life—signing up for a class or activity you enjoy, taking on a new project at work or at home, taking a risk in asking for what you want in your relationships. If you shop to feel better about yourself, shop for real genuine affirmation—ask friends to tell you what they like about you, make a list of your attributes, or start a gratitude list. And, remember, the smallest changes can make a big difference over time.

Ask for support.

Think about who can help you make the changes you want to make, to encourage and support you and help hold you accountable. Tell them the extent of your habit and what you intend to do, and don’t intend to do, to make changes. At first you may simply tell your friend that you shop too much when you are feeling scared (or anxious or angry or lonely) and that you want to do something to change it, but you’re not willing to make any major changes yet. Next you may fess up to how much time or money you spend or what the costs are in your life. Later you may choose to make one small step, like call them on the phone before making any purchase over $25, just to raise your awareness. Eventually you can look at cutting back on the shopping, but in the beginning, use your support person or team to simply raise your awareness and tell the truth.

We can defend our shopping addiction all we want, but who of us really wants on our tombstone: "Here lies Susie, she bought a lot of shoes!" What is it we really want instead? What do we want our lives to be about? What we need to shop for are the elements of a great life—friends, adventures, new horizons, things that enhance our body, mind, spirit, and our life. And it’s not as hard or boring as it sounds. Your shopaholic habit can actually become the trailblazer you need towards creating the lifestyle that you have always dreamed of. Your bad habit is trying desperately to let you know that you have deeper needs you are ignoring. Pay attention to these indicators and follow them towards a life of MORE—more satisfaction, more support, more intimacy, more meaning, more time, more energy, and even more money!