If you are struggling to get through dating to a happy, loving relationship, then you are not alone. Many women experience problems with dating and finding the right man to have a relationship with. When dating doesn't work out, the causes are not always obvious and it can therefore be difficult to rectify the problem. The good news is that dating can be easy when you know how. So, if you want to succeed at dating and get your guy, read on to find out where you might be going wrong and whether your instincts are getting the better of you.

When dating fails repeatedly, it's easy to start blaming men and looking at their faults. You may feel that it didn't work out because all men are the same or they don't want to be in relationships. There are a number of excuses that women use to hide their frustration with the opposite sex. But the fact of the matter is that there are many wonderful men out there and often our failure to succeed at dating is down to repeating patterns which hover just outside of our awareness and to following instincts that don't serve us.

Often we don't think to look at how our own behaviours affect the men that we date and may inadvertently serve to drive them away. We tend to use skills which we have learned to communicate with our parents and girlfriends and those gained by trial and error. We persist with these actions even when they don't work because we don't know anything better. We don't want to look at our errors because we don't want to think that it might be us that has the problem.

Often we are put off-balance by dating because we are deeply invested in having a man in our life and when someone comes along who shows some interest, we latch on to this hoping that it is finally the relationship that we have been hoping for. This causes us to behave in ways which indicate that we are in a relationship long before a man has even thought about anything serious or permanent.

There is nothing more off-putting to a man than when he realises that you have turned dating into a relationship before he is ready. When you act as though he is obligated to you in any way early on, he is likely to want to get away from you. This includes getting heavy with him about where the relationship is going, acting hurt with him when he doesn't make time for you and texting, calling and emailing excessively because you want your fix. Exhibiting negative emotions and telling him how dissatisfied you are with him or your relationship is also likely to mean that you will not succeed at dating.

Often we do these things because we are not quite in control of the emotions and fears that come up during dating and our reactions to them. On top of this, we are generally not aware that we need to take control of these situations and choose how we respond, instead of responding impulsively from a place of need. It is easy for us to act on our instincts because we think it will make us feel better, but how many times do we end up making ourselves feel worse. For example, he doesn't call so you call him. When you finally get through, he sounds distant and preoccupied. You end up feeling worse because you followed your instincts or impulses.

It is only when we start to become aware of our patterns in relationships and how our reactions impact on the men we are dating; when we look at the things that happen in our relationships that cause us to lose our cool with men; when we the understand the things that bother us about men and what we can do about it; then we can take control of ourselves, our emotions and instincts. When you can start to do this, then you will succeed at dating.