At the homeless shelter where I volunteer, there is a strong emphasis on forgiveness and personal accountability. The residents must learn to recite, by memory, several recovery principles. One of the principles is called "Restitution" and it reads as follows: "A forgiving heart is necessary for any clean start.I must forgive others and seek the forgiveness of those who I have harmed by offering to make amends. The initiative lies with me."

If we unpack this principle, we find three profound statements. First, it is necessary to forgive if we want to have a clean start and be able to move forward. Second, we should seek forgiveness and give forgiveness when necessary. I’m sure a lot of people understand and agree with these two statements.

I think the third statement, however, is the most profound. "The initiative lies with me." How many people who agree they need to forgive also agree they should take the initiative to do so? And why must the initiative lie with oneself in the first place? Well, it depends on how you see yourself. Which is more important to you, your personal accountability or your personal agenda? Here's the difference.

Here's the difference.

Personal Accountability: to hold yourself accountable for doing the right thing, specifically, doing what God commands us to do. In this case, God commands us to forgive others if we have a grievance against them (Colossians 3:13). If you hold yourself accountable to God’s standard, then you know it is your responsibility to take the initiative and actively seek to make amends.

Personal Agenda: to know forgiving is the right thing to do, but not really holding yourself accountable to God’s standard for being the one to actively seek it. In this case, if the opportunity presents itself and you forgive, that’s fine, and if no opportunity arises and you don’t forgive, that’s fine too.

There was a time when I was comfortable with my personal agenda, just waiting, perhaps, for opportunities to arise to make amends with my siblings. As I began seeking God’s heart and trying to meet His standards and not my own, I realized I had the responsibility and the obligation of taking the initiative to make amends.

I took that initiative by writing letters of reconciliation to my seven brothers and sisters, asking for their forgiveness and forgiving them as well. I wanted to share my experience with other women and encourage them to also write letters seeking forgiveness, so I started a project called The Healing Letters Project. The project takes you through the step-by-step process of how to write a letter to make amends.

Do you need to make amends with someone in your life? Are you ready to put aside your personal agenda and hold yourself accountable to God’s higher standard? If so, visit thehealinglettersproject.com and begin your journey to a free and forgiving heart.