First Principle:

Embrace the Single Life

Coming to appreciate the value of single life is indispensible for getting girls. Value your independence and you avoid neediness.

"For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to receive this, let him receive it"

-Mt 19:12

The worst enemy in this endeavor is neediness. Desperation is never attractive. Most guys who don't know what they're doing when it comes to girls are frustrated and lonely. They don't enjoy being single. They can't wait to find a girl. They hate being alone. Girls immediately recognize this and are just as immediately turned off.

Girls want guys who are content being single, who esteem their independence and enjoy their own company. And we ourselves should desire this. Who wants to depend on a girl for his emotional comfort? With this kind of mentality we lose our sense of self-respect. We're not gonna be the kind of guy we want to be if we lack this basic self-respect.

A guy who doesn't enjoy being single and can't wait to meet someone will prematurely judge girls, idealizing them all out of proportion to reality. They hate being alone so much and think that their options are so limited that any possibility whatsoever is deemed so important that they consider themselves doomed if they were to lose it. Desperation takes over. This is a self-reinforcing form of self-sabotage, because this mentality pushes away every good possibility in the first place.

Say a guy's been single a long time and doesn't really know what he's doing when it comes to girls. He can't wait to meet someone and get into a relationship. Hates being by himself. He meets a nice, pretty girl at his friend's gathering. Every movement he makes and every word he speaks is gonna drip desperation, even without him realizing it. He lacks confidence and comes across as undesirable. This will produce a negative reaction in the girl. She's going to find him unattractive.

The principle here is high demand=low confidence. When you're desperate for girls your confidence is low. Don't question this principle. Just accept it as a law of nature. On the other hand, low demand=high confidence. How do you lower demand? You have to learn and love the art of singleness.

The Bible is very clear that the single life is superior to the married life: Jesus says,

"For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to receive this, let him receive it" (Mt 19:12).

A life devoted to the higher things of God requires in many instances the deferral of marriage, or even its complete renunciation. Paul explains:

"I think that in view of the present distress it is well for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek marriage. But if you marry, you do not sin, and if a girl marries she does not sin. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that…I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to please the Lord; but the married man is anxious about worldly affairs, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided" (1 Cor 7:26-28,32-34).

Marriage, with all its responsibilities, entails a lot of anxieties-financially and otherwise. The single life provides a greater degree of freedom to pursue self-perfection and the "affairs of the Lord." It is, in short, the higher calling.

Getting girls, ironically, should be approached with this framework. Remember our principle: high demand=low confidence, low demand=high confidence. If you're idealizing girls and marriage all out of proportion to reality, and if you don't value your singleness, you will be a desperate mess-and this will, in turn, wreak havoc upon your chances with girls in the first place.

So what do we do when single? We should have good friends who we enjoy hanging out with. We should have career/vocational goals, a course in life and a source of income. We should have hobbies or interests of some sort that we're passionate about. We should take care of our bodies and keep ourselves fit and healthy. We should grow in our prayer lives, in our communication with God.

It is hardly prudent to chase girls if we don't first love and respect ourselves. We need to enjoy our own company first.