“Extramarital affairs” is a widely known term. Almost everyone is aware of it. It is considered taboo in every society and is morally condemned. People create these moral standards, yet they are also the ones who break them. Nonetheless, while we are familiar with the concept of extramarital affairs, the term "gaslighting" might seem unfamiliar to many. But surprisingly, most of the time in our life, we experience gaslighting. What is called gaslighting? How is it related to extramarital affairs? Today, we will explore everything. Gaslighting isn't only limited to the context of extramarital affairs; it is pervasive in various aspects of our lives, much like a disease.

First, we will delve into the details of gaslighting. Then, we will explore how gaslighting serves as a powerful tool in the context of extramarital affairs. Finally, you will know how to protect yourself from being a victim of gaslighting.

What is Gaslighting?

No, my friends, don't be misled by the word 'gaslighting' and start thinking about matchsticks, gas cylinders, or lighting fires.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or group makes someone question their own reality, memories, or perceptions. The term comes from a 1938 play called Gas Light, where a husband manipulates his wife into thinking she is losing her sanity by dimming the gaslights in their home and then denying that the light has changed.

Gaslighting can occur in personal relationships, at work, or in other settings, and it often leads to the victim feeling confused, anxious, and dependent on the gaslighter for a sense of reality. Let's clarify it through two different examples.

Example -1:

Suppose you have a deep interest in English literature and want to study this subject. However, some of your friends are interested in studying computer science, a subject that you don't particularly enjoy or excel in. Now, your friends start telling you things like, "You're not a good student in computer science. You won't achieve anything in your life. There is no future for you. You have no talent," and so on……!

Hearing such negative comments repeatedly, you start to believe them... "It's true, I'm not good at anything. I'm totally incompetent. I'm not a good student in computer science. I have no talent. No, no, I have to change." Thinking this way, you begin to lose your self-confidence. You are becoming a victim of extreme gaslighting.

To prove yourself, you start studying computer science against your own desire. By constantly forcing yourself to study this subject, you eventually lose your mental satisfaction permanently. Whether or not you can build a successful career with this subject in the future is not the point. The main point is that you will spend your life holding onto a fake belief about yourself, missing out on the mental peace that comes with studying the subject you truly love.

Were you really an incompetent student in computer science? Not at all. The truth is, you didn't have any interest in that subject, so you didn't feel the need to develop skills in it. Your interest was in English literature, where you had extraordinary talent, something your friends might not have had. So, how were you incompetent? They judged you based on their own perspective, and you believed it, even though it wasn't true. This is gaslighting. And those who engage in this behavior are called "gaslighters"!

Example- 2:

Nowadays social media constantly promotes the idea that a six-pack figure is the most attractive feature for men. If you're a guy, you might think, "Oh no! Life is meaningless without a six-pack. My figure is far from perfect. I have no value." This creates a sense of inferiority within you about yourself. And then you rush to the gym. You might even resort to risky methods in pursuit of that six-pack figure, without hesitation.

If you're a girl, you'll see on social media... "Wow! Look at those beautiful, glowing, smooth, fair-skinned women. This is what people value the most. If I don't have such skin, I have no value." So, you start using harmful chemical-laden cosmetics in order to achieve that flawless, fair skin. As a result, you are exposing yourself to severe health risks like skin cancer and other issues.

Pay attention to how you're being gaslighted through social media.

How Gaslighting Works in Extramarital Affair:

According to Dr. Saeed Enam, gaslighting is essentially a subtle and vile form of psychological torture. The person who engages in gaslighting is usually quite cunning by nature. Often, people use gaslighting to cover up their wrongdoings, foolishness, or crimes by manipulating the mind of the person in front of them in such a way that the victim begins to doubt themselves and start thinking they are wrong. Gaslighters are expert in creating enough logic and fake stories to prove themselves right.

When a husband or wife is involved in an extramarital affair and the other partner becomes aware of it, that cheater may try to prove their spouse wrong. They may attempt to convince their partner that, "You are paranoid. You're suspecting me for no reason. You don't trust me at all. It's impossible to live with someone who suffers from this kind of suspicion."

However, it's true that some people are naturally suspicious. Such individuals often suspect their partners without any valid reason. This is a mental disorder. But not everyone is like that. In today's world, extramarital affairs have become a common phenomenon. As if it's not considered a serious crime anymore!

Do you know how a person might gaslight their spouse to hide their immoral relationship? They start by fabricating small lies daily. They make up stories about their partner, portraying them as mentally unstable, as if the partner is needlessly suspicious.

For example, if you catch your spouse in an extramarital affair, you might notice that they begin saying things like, “nowadays you can't remember anything. You forget where you keep things. Even when I tell you something, you forget it." By repeatedly saying such things, they make you confused.

When you are busy at work, suddenly you'll find that your partner gently takes your hand and sweetly says, "Let's go out somewhere today." Surprised, you'll respond, "You don't usually say things like this. What happened today?" Then, perhaps equally surprised, your partner might say, "OMG! You asked me to hang out just yesterday. And today you've already forgotten?" But in reality, you never said anything like that yesterday.

The truth is, your partner creates these kinds of fake stories to make you doubt yourself. He or she tries to manipulate you into questioning your own memory, because you've already known about his/her extramarital relationship, and that cheater wants to make you feel like you're in the wrong.

Day after day, your spouse will gaslight you, making you believe that you are the one at fault, you absorb all those misconceptions. Over time, you may begin to distrust yourself, start to think of yourself as mentally ill. You feel guilty. It will create a deep sense of inferiority within you.

In short, a person involved in an unethical relationship creates a fog of confusion in their partner's mind, much like gaslighting. As a result, the victim forgets their reality. Eventually, the person's self-confidence erodes, and they genuinely become mentally sick. Meanwhile, the cunning, deceitful spouse successfully hides the heinous crime which he/she committed, proves their partner as mentally ill in the eyes of others, and proves themselves innocent.

How to Protect Yourself from Being A Victim of Gaslighting:

How to get your partner out of an unethical relationship – it's not the main context of this article. Our primary goal is to make you aware so that nobody can make you a victim of their worst gaslighting. Because you have the right to live your life cheerfully . Whether that cheating husband or wife remains in your life or not, it doesn't matter; you need to stay healthy. You need to live peacefully.

Whether your partner is involved in an unethical relationship or not, you must understand that no one in this world is indispensable for you. Yes, you love them. You give them enough importance. But no matter how good they are, they are still human beings. A human being can commit any crime at any time. If you can understand it, even if your partner is involved in an extramarital affair, you might feel pain. But you'll be able to manage yourself properly. As a result, they won't get the opportunity to turn you into a mental patient.

The final thing is – there should be no room for doubt in a loving relationship. Whenever your partner's behavior feels suspicious, discuss it with them directly. Try to resolve the issue. Since you are now aware of gaslighting, it won't be as easy for someone to gaslight you anymore.

Even after that, if no solution is found, if his/her activities seem suspicious day after day, then the best solution is to get separated completely. It's important to live in peace, even if love is absent. I hope now you fully understand what gaslighting is. You should also warn others about it.