To Do and Not to Do: A Dating Guide for Single Parents

FamilyParenting

  • Author Judy Porter
  • Published November 16, 2007
  • Word count 723

A lot of single parents shy away from dating because things can get too complicated when a history of failed relationships and a number of growing children come into play. The excess baggage makes dating even more difficult than usual, making single parents devote all their free time on their kids.

There's nothing wrong with being a doting mom or dad, but you have to admit that as a single parent, you sometimes crave for a bit of fun, excitement, and companionship that only dating can bring. If you’ve been depriving yourself of the pleasures of dating because of fear of getting hurt or finding yourself in, it’s you who’ll end up losing out on the chance of being truly happy.

Of course, as a single parent, you are expected to date even more responsibly than ever. This time around, you no longer have just yourself to think about; you also need to take into your consideration your children, so that if your date doesn’t turn out to be The One, no one will get hurt that much.

To help you date responsibly, here are some do’s and don’ts for single parents who are about to reenter the jungle that is dating:

Do’s

--Expand your social life. A healthy social network enriches your personality and provides you a strong support system due to the new friendships you form. And you might even find a special someone from one the friends you make. After all, a lot of the best relationships start with solid friendships.

--Be honest about having children. You don’t have to tell the whole history of your past relationships and story of your current domestic life during the first few dates (and perhaps, ever, because some things are better left unsaid) but you are expected to be upfront about being a parent right from the start. In this way, dating prospects who don’t like to be involved with someone with kids can make a run for it before either of you get in too deep.

--Take your time. When you meet a dating prospect, slowly build on a friendship so that any romantic relationship that comes out of it has a solid foundation. Passionate flings with sexy strangers may have an irresistible allure to them, but when you have kids, you need to think about going out with someone they can grow to like as well.

--Make sure that the person you are dating is of decent character. The last thing you want is your children seeing you hurt by a jerk or a bitch because they get hurt by your pain as well. Even if things don’t work out, if you’re going out with someone who knows how to respect your feelings, then you can end a relationship with your dignity intact.

Don’ts

--Join clubs and organizations just for the sake of finding dating prospects. Actively looking for The One makes him or her more elusive than ever. It also reeks of desperation, and you know you’re better than that. You’re better off forming meaningful friendships. Even without romance in your life, friends can always brighten up a dismal day.

--Rush in without thinking. Only fools rush in, as a saying goes. When you have kids, you can no longer afford to be a fool. Make sure that you really are ready to face the consequences of your actions, because if you get hurt in the end, your kids will notice. Or even if they don’t, your ability to handle them on a daily basis will get affected. Don’t let romantic notions get the best of you, because you may end up being bitterly disappointed when a dating prospect doesn’t turn out as great as you expected.

--Ignore the warning signs. It doesn’t happen often, but the key point here is that it does, and it can happen to you. If the person you are dating shows signs of being abusive, then it’s time to say goodbye. You may be able to handle it, but your children can’t. Don’t put them in a situation where they can be exposed to physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. In the end, it’s your kids’ welfare you should put in top priority.

Judy Porter, contributing writer for www.parentfishing.com, a free online dating service for single parents. Dating as a single parent was only easy on The Brady Bunch. At ParentFishing.com, we make it easier by bringing together singles moms with single dads who know what it takes to date with a family. Find your partner here.

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