When Marilyn and her husband fought and she threatened to

leave him, he said, “You do and 24 hours later I’ll have all

our money in Montsarat and you’ll never get a cent.”

Marianne’s husband was more subtle. He asked her to sign

some papers one night, she did, and later found out she’d

signed all their assets over to him.

When a man starts cheating and thinking about leaving, it

gets ugly, and divorce is expensive. The average divorce

costs over $30,000 and whatever it costs financially, the

emotional cost is more.

Ask Marianne (not her real name). Marianne is 62 years old

now and working as a clerical assistant in an auto shop,

while most of her friends are retired. Marianne didn’t see

it coming when her husband of 40 years divorced her and ran

off with a woman their daughter’s age, taking all their

assets with him. He even got Marianne to move out before

the divorce, “abandonment,” which can count against you in

court.

Marianne realized she’d missed a lot of clues he was

cheating. He’d changed his schedule, there were hang-up

phone calls, and he kept taking the cell phone outside.

“How many times in one night can you walk a dog? she says,

not believing her ignorance. “I should’ve known. And all

of a sudden he’s wearing cologne?” Those are some of the

typical clues. For more, go here:

http://www.thecloser.cc/top_ten_clues.html .

It’s devastating when you’ve been married 10, 20, even 40

years and find out he’s cheating on you, and more than half

of married men do. Infidelity is worse than a death. The

only thing worse is if he takes everything you’ve worked for

all your life with him.

Marianne found out when she was served with the papers and

finally sat down with a lawyer. That’s a hard way to find

out, but there are other hard ways. One woman we know found

out when her husband died in flagrante delicto in a luxury

hotel room with his lover.

Other women find out when their doctor tells them they’ve

gotten a sexually transmitted disease (STD), or when their

husband’s gifts to his lover and trips to Hawaii (while you

stay home with the kids and the mother-in-law) ruin them

financially.

Considering the odds, and the costs, it pays to find out for

sure, and as soon as possible.

INFORMATION IS POWER

There is nothing wrong with checking on your spouse if you

think he’s cheating. In fact it’s smart. Once you know for

sure, you can leave or stay but you need a plan, and you

need to protect yourself. You can no longer trust him or

count on his good will.

The first thing you must do is find out for sure.

Investigating yourself on the Internet, even if you pay for

it, won’t get you the complete or current information you

need. And what if he’s got a spy tool tracking where you’ve

been on the Internet? You don’t want to get caught (like

you were the guilty party!) until you’re prepared. You need

a discreet professional investigative service. One example

is The Closer ( www.thecloser.cc ). They will do the work

for you in a cordial, confidential manner. They don’t ask

why you need to know, they just do the job. Their website

also provides resources and products you will need, in a

one-stop shopping center. You need evidence if you go to

court, and this can impact child custody as well.

FOLLOW THE MONEY

The second thing to do is to get informed about your

finances. Assist The Closer by paying attention around the

house.

Men start hiding things when they’re having an affair, out

of guilt, and also because they’re spending lavishly on the

other woman. If he wants out, or is afraid you’ll file,

he’ll be moving his money, looking out for himself. One man

we know gave all the stock in his multi-million dollar

business to his mother so it couldn’t be touched.

You need to know:

1. How much he makes and how he gets paid.

2. If he has a retirement plan and where it is.

3. Where he keeps the financial papers – at work? at home?

4. The name of his accountant and stock brokers.

5. Do you have a joint savings account? Could he sign his

name and clean out your life’s savings?

6. What are your debts? Whose name are they in?

7. Check credit card statements. If he left, could you have

credit on your own?

8. Does he have an insurance policy?

9. What would happen to your health insurance (and the

kids’) if he left?

THE COMPUTER

Many men invest on the Internet. They also start affairs on

the Internet, through porn sites, chat rooms and dating

services. Computer spy software such as SpyAgent (

http://www.affairspy.com ) provide monitoring and

surveillance. SpyAgent logs keystrokes, emails, websites,

passwords, even chat conversations. Not detectable, it

defeats spyware detectors and can be remote or local.

(Useful with teens and to protect children, too.)

GET MONEY

If you feel a split coming up, or suspect him in any way,

you need to take care of yourself (and look out for the

kids’ welfare). If it comes down to divorce, you’ll need

help, and help costs money -- a lawyer, a coach, maybe a

therapist for the kids. You’d have to cover your own living

expenses. Sometimes a divorce can take a year to settle.

What will you live on in the meantime?

I know it feels crummy if you start salting money away, but

he started it, with the infidelity. Once the trust is

broken, then it becomes “every man for himself” – and woman

too.

Don’t lie awake at night staring at the ceiling or spend

another day snapping at the kids because your nerves are on

edge, or lose your job because you’re a zombie at work from

the tension. If you think something’s wrong, you have every

right to get the information you need.

“Break Free From the Affair” (

http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/cgi-bin/cmd.

cgi?cmd=aftrack&afid=307546&u=www.break-free-from-

the-affair.com/ebook.htm ) can help you if you want to go that

way. “Should You Stay or Should You Go”

( http://www.mybizkit.com/app/?af=307958 ) can help you

sort it through and make that difficult decision.

In the meantime, find out. It takes courage and emotional

intelligence to do this when you’re scared, heart-broken or

angry. You have to hold the emotions at bay and do what

you need to do. Your future’s at stake. Ask Marianne or

Marilyn.