Take Off Your Mask And Deal With Your Emotional Baggage!

Social IssuesWomen's Issues

  • Author Gladys Famoriyo
  • Published February 28, 2008
  • Word count 1,073

Many of us have our feet firmly planted on the treadmills of life - pursuing careers, running homes and living busy lives. Our lives have become cluttered with so much activity that it's no surprise many women today are carrying around with them emotional baggage.

Wondering what I mean by emotional baggage? Well, after working with women for a decade, I have discovered that these come in various forms such as unresolved issues of the past (e.g. a traumatic childhood, failed relationships, etc), unmet needs, negative emotions (e.g. low self esteem, fear, etc), and the like. Emotional baggage also accumulates when you find yourself emotionally battered, wounded and scarred by life all the while carrying on, business as usual, with your mask firmly in place. After all, it's not cool to have your business known by all on sundry. Moreover, who can the highflying female be utterly real with? Hence the 'real' you takes a backseat whilst you pretend being someone you are not. I guess the true test comes when the curtains fall and you have quit performing for the day. You take off your mask off and are promptly confronted with the issues you have neatly tucked away behind your mask (e.g. your success, personality, clothing, roles/responsibilities, etc). Ask me how I know this too well! Let's just say it was a combination of my personal experiences as well as my professional experience as a life coach.

As if things weren't bad enough, we live in a world that places a heavy emphasis on our outward parts (e.g. appearance, accomplishments, etc) whilst overlooking the rest of our being. This means we often invest little or no time nurturing or even dealing with our inner selves. Hence, it's really no surprise that many of us are carrying around our issues, hurts and pains of yesterdays and yesteryears. Over the years, I have come to observe the result of this in that we appear to evolve into a lopsided individual that I term female hybrid. The female hybrid is an unauthentic, pale version of the original woman God had in mind when He created her. Her emotional baggage drives her to precarious attitudes, beliefs and behaviours that, in the end, hinder the full expressions of her capabilities and uniqueness (to say the least). So far, I have identified ten different types of female hybrids in my book, Overcoming Emotional Baggage: A Woman's Guide To Living The Abundant Life (Milestones International Publishers, 2006 - ISBN: 0-924748-73-7) that you will find intriguing, if not revealing, of the woman you might have become over time. Female hybrids display a raft of mindsets and behaviours that propagate their issues. On the surface, she may even seem all that but beware of what lurks beneath the surface.

The problem with being a female hybrid is that there is a lot of inner turmoil. She is constantly trying to compensate for the baggage she is carrying around. Not knowing how to effectively deal with these, many female hybrids find themselves caught in the traps of compulsive, impulsive or addictive behaviours (to mention a few). After all, these appear to quieten the storms raging within - though often short lived. Deep down, their desire is simply to bring about restoration in their souls and having the emotional freedom to live the life they truly desire. The problem with these short-lived solutions is that they have a nasty habit of propelling the real issue and causing further problems down the line (e.g. issues with weight, health, money, relationships, etc).

So the next time you feel the need to 'comfort eat', indulge in retail therapy or any other behaviour to make yourself feel better, ask yourself what the REAL issue is. Reflect on why you think and/or behave in certain ways? And please, don't fall into the trap of thinking, "this is the way I am!" or "I'm doing well in my career/business etc, hence I must be ok". These are the perceptions that keep many of us bound for far too long. And just in case you may be wondering...you weren't created that way neither! Mindsets such as these keep you in denial or in perpetual hiding as you keep brushing your issues under the carpet - hoping it would simply disappear some day. The simple the truth of the matter is that things will get worse unless you deal with them. There comes a time when you will have to accept that this journey called 'life' may bring about some challenging, perturbing or even traumatic situations. That's just life. However, a smart woman, serious about succeeding in life, recognises the importance of effectively identifying and dealing with these situations when they arise so they don't impact any areas of their lives or the lives of those around them.

So maybe you suspect you may have become a member of the female hybrid club. Don't worry. All hope is not lost. I suggest you identify and confront your issues. And if necessary, get the help you need from the right places. Don't just suffer in silence and let your emotional baggage eat away the core of you. Take action today and start living the abundant you deserve to live. To help you on your journey to emotional freedom, below are some powerful life changes to consider:

  1. Slow Down: Our fast paced lifestyle is the number one culprit to the proliferation of the female hybrid. Constantly being on the go gives you little or no time to focus inwardly.

  2. Get Your Life Balanced: Get a healthy balance between your work and personal life. Failing to do this will surely grant you a lifetime membership in the female hybrid club.

  3. Reflect Daily: Schedule some time each day to reflect on your day and/or what's going on in your life. If you stockpile your emotional junk, it will become a stumbling block in your life further down the line.

  4. Develop Your Tripartite Being: As you are a woman made up of a spirit, soul and body, spend time developing all aspects of your self e.g. developing/renewing your relationship with God, reading books that will fortify your spirit and soul, etc.

  5. Get Your Needs Met: Unmet needs are a huge contributing factor to the accumulation of emotional clutter. Therefore, identify what your needs are and get a healthy dose of them daily.

Gladys Famoriyo, an award-winning International Speaker, Author and Coach. Gladys is the author of Overcoming Emotional Baggage: A Woman’s Guide To Living The Abundant Life (Milestones International Publishers, ISBN 0-924748-73-7). To purchase your copy of her book, find out more about her services and products including her empowering women’s groups or sign up for her free inspiring eZine (eWoman), log on to www.gladysf.com

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