When we meet someone for the first time, not yet dating or even on a date, just meet for the very first time, what draws that instant attraction or causes non-attraction?

There is a whole field of study on this interesting subject of course but I am writing this article to talk about one

interesting an unmistakable property of attraction. Chemistry.

Chemistry is the unspoken power that drives the best love affairs we have ever had. You can sit near your partner and

the air seems to buzz between you. Across the room, you are aware of him or her constantly, never needing to make eye contact. You don’t have to, but you often look anyway. So do they.

Much of chemistry is literally smell. I am of course not talking about their choice of cologne but rather their raw, unscented self. Sometimes they smell divine. Sometimes we are not even aware they have a smell at all. This is probably the basis for the word 'chemistry' when used in this context. Literally the chemistry of smell.

When we are dating or in a personal relationship and do NOT have chemistry, invariably the relationship will fail, or worse, end up with one or both partners being unfaithful. Why? Because they found someone else with whom they have chemistry. Chemistry is literally the difference between making love and having sex. Sex can be good or even great, but it will never compare to making love. The best love affairs we can ever have is when we simply cannot get enough of each other, gluttonously making love like we are starving, gobbling every beautiful morsel of the other. The only way to have this incredible affair, is chemistry.

Ever so rarely, two lovers will wake up years later, and sometimes the chemistry is suddenly gone. In a whiff the candle goes out, the love is still there, but the burning desire has mysteriously disappeared. I think that in these instances, it is our aging process. We get older and nearly 100% of our bodies have been remade. Certainly our chemical signature also changes. Even if ever so slightly, it is enough to break the invisible bond. Don't worry, after all these years, you will still stay together.

Of course there are many flavors of chemistry. It is not always two ways, nor is it always positive. When you are absolutely crazy for someone, sometimes called a crush (another aptly named word) and they barely even notice you, you are bound by the natural laws of chemistry and irrevocably drawn to them like a moth to flame.

When chemistry is working in reverse, you meet someone, shake their hand and immediately are arch-enemies, that is chemistry. We have all had it happen to us before. Sometimes it can lead to the most distasteful altercation. The good thing about both kinds of chemistry is that it is very much like a magnet, where in one instance there is an unbreakable attraction, the opposite works in repulsion and luckily, we don't ever associate with people we "don't like".

The big question is can you MAKE chemistry? Yes and no. A big ‘no’ in the sense that you are who you are and your chemical signature is created by your genes. No changing that. A small ‘yes’ in that you can alter your more noticeable chemistry. No smoking, exercise, eat good foods. All of that will make your chemistry more appealing to a broader audience. Thusly increasing your chance of netting yourself a very deep and meaningful love affair.

So what is the moral of this story? Look for chemistry in all your interactions, be aware that it plays a role on the most fundamental level of all of our interactions. When someone walks in the room your back to the door and you are already aware of them. Congratulations you’ve got chemistry. Let’s hope it’s the good kind.