To have or not to have, that's the big question surrounding sex on dates. Will you still be respected in the morning if you agree to sex on a first date? Will you still have a partner if you still haven't agreed to have sex and you've now been dating for a month? When is the right time, and what can you expect from your partner?

Sex is all about intimacy and trust between you and your partner, no-one else. Only you know when you're ready to take this step. Listen to your inner voice, is it telling you to hold back because of some insecurity issue, or is it telling you to ignore the conventions that say you shouldn't have sex in the first three dates or whatever? That voice is the real proclaimer of disrespect the next morning because if you make the wrong choice, that's the one you're going to hear playing regrets for what you did, or didn't do, the previous night with your date!

Once you know you're ready, you need to consider your partner. Do you think they're ready? If you've been on at least two dates, or you're on your second date, then you probably have some idea from their body language if they want to get closer to you. It could by physically touching you whenever they get the chance, or just openly flirting with you in a suggestive but funny way so that they are masking their wants in humor perhaps in fear of your reaction. If you're ready to take the plunge, use the same tactics back at your date so that they get the message that you're game if they are.

If you're more of a straight talker, you could set ground rules from the beginning of the first date so that your partner is in no doubt about what's going to happen – or not happen, and if it's not, some kind of idea of when it might! This may seem a bit forward, and could even shock your partner, but if it's something that is going to stop you being yourself on the date because you are unsure of your date's expectations or reaction to your views on sex and dating, then it's best to clear the air. You risk the chance of your partner disappearing as soon as they can if you tell them something they don't want to hear, but as bad as that feels, it would be worse later in the evening when they found that things weren't going to work out as they'd anticipated they would!

Whenever you decide that the time is right for you, always insist on protected sex. Even if you think you know the person you're dating, and they swear that they've never been with anyone who had any kind of disease, you can never be 100% sure unless they've been monogamous with you for a number of years!

Sex is supposed to be fun and relaxed. It's supposed to deepen a relationship. But it has to be at a time that feels right to you. Don't do it because you feel it's expected, or because you feel that you should. Don't do it if your partner is holding back and unsure. Do it because you both want to because that's when the time is right.