“I honor your Gods.

I drink from your well.

I bring an unprotected heart to our meeting place.

I hold no cherished outcome.

I will not negotiate by withholding.

I am not subject to disappointment.”

Druid vow of friendship

Let this vow be your guide to networking. Meet. Respect. Connect. Release attachment to results.

Networking is not selling. Think of what it’s like when a stranger comes up and sells at you and shoves you his business card. This is a relationship killer! Even at a “networking” party. Be the person who builds relationships. There’s a principle in relationship that you should take to heart: if one party is chasing, the other is retreating. You don’t want to be the chaser. Attraction is far more magical. Everything I share in this article will be with an eye towards your powers of attraction.

As you set out on your networking journey, hoping to attract lots of business, ask yourself what your dream customers want.

• Are you really selling what people want?

• Or are you trying to get people to buy what you’re selling?

You’ll find most people want improvement in the same areas: money, love, career, health, and happiness. By connecting and creating relationship, you will have the opportunity to discover what your ideal customers want, and to examine how you might serve their needs.

With this knowledge as your foundation, you can create networking magic: customers who seek you out and spread the word. (And the people who are not meant to be your customers may still become your dearest friends and fans.)

Five Secrets to Networking Magic

1. Be authentic! Can you think of a time when you felt centered in who you are, comfortable in your own skin? You had a strong connection to your inherent value, and you weren’t worried about the judgments of others. This is the foundation of everything. You can’t build a relationship if you’re not really there.

There are really two kinds of people: your people and not your people. It’s easy to tell the difference: your people get you and appreciate you. The others don’t and never will. I believe it’s a waste of time and heart to try to convince those who aren’t your people to become your people. Let them go. If you excel at authenticity, you will repel the people who are not right for you so that your people can find you!

This can be scary. It’s also very attractive.

2. Do you what you enjoy! If you don’t like to something, dump or delegate it. Growing your network takes persistence, a steady flow of new relationships. You are so much more likely to keep going and see good results if you pick activities that you naturally like. What is the easiest, most pleasurable way for you to connect with people?

I like to write, so I stay in contact with thousands of people every month through email and my newsletter. My best friend fills her practice by meeting people over coffee. I met a coach who loved to talk on the phone, so cold calls were like candy to her. And how about parties? You can meet the most fantastic new people at your own parties. (When I was an actress, I would meet producers, directors, and movie stars at my own parties. I had a reputation for introducing people who could work together.) Do what is the most fun for you. Imagine letting go of your “should” networking activities, anything that feels like work. How much more energy would you have if you refused to do anything but play?

3. Focus on the other person! Seek first how you can help others, not how they can hire you. It’s really not about you. Tune in to their concerns. Connect the people you meet to other people and resources that could help them. Be the go-to person. Trust that you will get your share.

People buy from sources they like and trust. You must create that connection first. The more you give freely from your heart, the more you build the trust and relationship that will move you forward personally and professionally.

4. Plant and release! Plant a LOT and release. And do it again. Without attachment. Not every seed bears fruit. Your job is to keep planting. Keep meeting and helping and, above all, doing what you love. A tree can’t grow if you keep digging up the roots. Allow the invisible to happen before you see the fruit. And let the fruit surprise you.

5. Be willing to be visible! Just because you are not attacking strangers with sales pitches does not mean you are to hide who you are and what you do. Practice showing up. Be ready when people ask “what do you do?”

And if people are interested, let them taste. Give them a nice appetizer, not the whole five course dinner. Set the necessary boundaries to take care of yourself, but have the confidence that you can afford to share. This can include giving samples, writing articles, posting on forums, volunteering for a cause, or just sharing your expertise. Think outside the box for more ideas. You are not pushing anything, but you are raising your visibility and creating opportunities for your people to discover your value.

One last word on networking magic comes from the ancient Indian legend of Indra’s Net. According to myth, this net stretches out across the universe, with a multifaceted jewel sitting at every intersection. Each facet of each jewel reflects every other jewel in the system. Everything is connected and reflects everything else. This is our condition as human beings. We are those jewels, connected and designed to reflect the brilliant gem essence in every one else.

Work Indra’s Net! See every person you meet as a jewel that holds the universe together. There is no separation, just reflection. What does that make possible? Your network is limitless.