Fulfilling our purpose, as I see it, is the true reason for us being here and it is a lifelong (many lifetimes long) endeavor. Purpose is not something we came here to do. We are here to continue the journey of becoming, of expanding who we are. Life is about discovering and experiencing new facets of ourselves. It is about growing.

In this vein, make it a priority to discover who you want to be rather than concentrating on what you want to achieve. We must know who we are first, before we can decide what we want to do, what we should think, and what we desire to have and not the other way around.

Yet most of us have done it the other way around and still do so. It's what we were taught to do. We jump in and think things, believe things, do things, acquire things—all based on what others tell us to think, believe, try, have—without ever stopping to figure out if all of the stuff we're creating is even a match up with who we want to be! We let our experiences define who we are rather than deciding first who we want to be and then letting that define our experiences. In other words, we manifest by default. We attract things willy-nilly and then say, "How come this is happening to me? Why am I not happy?"

Wholeness and happiness, in the true deeper spiritual sense rather than in the mere human sense, is a state of being rather than something outside of us we can seek and find. When we try to seek something in order to feel happy, it just doesn’t work. By universal law, like attracts like. Unhappiness attracts more unhappiness, regardless of what we are telling ourselves. You cannot attract what you don’t already have. That is why, even though you may be shouting to the rooftops, "I intend to attract more money!" you will not attract it unless you are first happy with who you are, whether you have money or not.

If you are unsure of who you want to be then you might want to start with making a list of qualities you’d like to attract rather than a list of things to have. What adjectives describe you? Do they match with how you'd like to describe yourself? If not, how would you like to be described instead? How would you like others to describe you at your 100th birthday party? What are your current values? Do they fit with who you want to be, or do you need to toss some of them out and bring in others? How would you like to feel as you go through this lovely life? Add those to the list too.

When you have more clarity about who you’d like to be as a person, you are on your way to becoming a conscious creator rather than a default creator. By knowing you who are, you will naturally attract things and experiences that are a match to that essence. Simultaneously (and most importantly) you will stop attracting anything that isn’t you.

Excerpted from the book Delighting the Soul: Lessons on Life Purpose, Authenticity & the Law of Attraction.