What is christian dating? Is there such a thing as Christian dating? Isn’t the whole idea of dating sinful and worldly? Should a Christian date? Is there a difference between Christian dating and Christian courtship? These are some of the questions that I will be answering in this article.

There are debates going on right now in the church about dating. There is actually a battle of words. As Paul so rightly put it, some people have an "an unhealthy desire to quibble over the meaning of words" 1Timothy 6:11. But by God’s grace we will end those quibbles through this article. Despite the debates, you will be surprised to learn that many don’t even know the definition or the meaning of the word "dating". This is not their fault because before the 1960s, dating, as we know it today did not exist. The buzzword at the time was "courtship". And many believers are more comfortable with it, so they prefer the term Christian courtship or biblical courtship instead of Christian dating.

Are there really differences between those two words? Why are so many Christians suspicious of the word "dating"? Because apparently courtship leads to marriage while dating is about hanging out and trying people out, like clothes.

Well, this is what Hollywood portrays. So I do understand and do share the concern of many Christians. But remember, this is the world’s expression of "dating". Likewise, the world has got its own expression of "love". We all know the world’s understanding and expression of love. Would we stop using the word "love" because the world expresses it Hollywood style? Of course not. Words are not the property of the world or Hollywood. They are communication tools given to us by God.

So let’s look at the definition of the word "dating" from wikipedia.

"Dating is any social activity performed as a pair or even a group with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as their partner in an intimate relationship or spouse. The word "date" refers to the act of agreeing on a time and "date" when a pair can meet and engage in a social activity."

Is there anything sinful about this broad definition? What do you think? Now let’s look at the definition of courtship from the same source: "courtship is a traditional dating period before engagement and marriage. During a courtship, a couple dates to get to know each other and decides if there will be an engagement. It includes activities such as dating when couple go to dinner, movie, etc…."

I don’t know about you, but there is hardly a difference between these two definitions. The difference between christian dating or courtship and secular dating lies in the "aim of each assessing the other’s suitability" or "get to know each other and decides" part.

Christian dating is and should be based on sound biblical principles while secular dating is mainly inspired by Hollywood these days. Christian dating is about assessing values such as commitment to the Lord and to marriage - it’s about developing friendship and trust etc... There is no sexual intimacy or intercourse involved. In secular dating, people assess "everything" including sexual performance. I have a secular friend who is a DJ and goes from one date to the next. When I asked him why he was doing that, he replied that it was important that the future partner demonstrates they are good in bed. Sadly, he is right, apart from few exceptions, this is what secular dating is all about it. Most of the time people want to get each other in bed. I remember that friend complaining about his girlfriend at the time and wanted to leave her. Why? I asked, he replied that he could not live with that girl any longer because of her selfishness and lack of commitment. So I said, why don’t you talk to her about your feelings and end it. He said, "Well, the thing is that she has got a great body and she is good in bed." So he was basically saying, "never mind if I am going to be miserable for the rest of my life, as long as she is good in bed." If you are a believer, you know that this part is reserved and kept for the consummation of marriage. Does it mean you don’t talk or discuss sex in Christian dating? Of course you do, but you don’t practice it.

Christian dating is based on the desire to find a suitable partner in order to bless them in a marriage relationship. Secular dating is all about instant gratification and selfish ambition. It is about what you can get out of the other person. In contrast, Christian dating involves digging deeper, going beyond the masks and getting to know the real person, their character, personality, passions and dreams, ambitions and desires.

One of the first things you need to find out in assessing each other is whether the potential spouse is born again of the Spirit of God, because not everyone at church is a Christian. Secondly, you want to assess how much the person loves Jesus; how important is their spiritual life? What role does the Lord play in their daily life? You are not looking for perfection, but just the basics, the minimum at least.

There are many more things to be assessed in getting to know the other person in a Christian dating setting. This is why we have put together a Christian dating course for our members at www.perfect-bond.com to help them get it right first time. Perfect-bond.com is a unique Christian dating site created and run by ministers and believers for believers. Not only will you be offered the opportunity, through all the social networking technologies (e.g. blogs, groups, forums, video/audio chat etc…), to meet your future spouse, but you will be taught how to have a successful christian dating experience. It is more than a social networking site, it is a ministry to unite the body of Christ though love. You will benefit from our years of experience, counselling and extra support. Remember the founders of this site met through an online dating site and are enjoying their 6th year of happy and successful marriage with two beautiful children.