Emotional Intelligence is an ability that may be either innate or learned. It is your capability to obtain and use information from both your emotions and those of others with whom you interact. Ultimately, this information helps you make better choices about what to say or do (or not say or do).

The Emotional Intelligence (EI) competencies fall into two categories: intrapersonal (existing/occurring within the individual) and interpersonal (existing/occurring between persons). The competencies build logically upon each other. The first few (emotional self-awareness, emotional self-regulation and emotional self-motivation) are intrapersonal and lay the foundation for the interpersonal competencies - empathy and managing relationships.

Emotional Intelligence is an inside-out job. It starts with oneself: developing intrapersonal skills. People with high levels of these skills (emotional self-awareness, self-regulation and self-motivation) are more likely to recognize other's emotions and social cues and then successfully manage relationships. In other words, effective interpersonal skills rely heavily on enhanced levels of intrapersonal skills.

Emotional Self-Awareness

Goleman defines emotional self-awareness as "having a deep understanding of one's emotions ... how your feelings affect you, other people and your job performance."(1)

Emotional Self-Regulation

This is the ability to step back, to "hit the pause button" before, during or after an emotionally charged situation. Goleman writes that self-regulation "frees us from being prisoners of our feelings."(1)

Emotional Self-Motivation

Self-motivated people not only know what they are feeling, they can transform their anxiety or negative emotions into positive, productive emotions and actions. They draw on positive feelings of optimism, confidence, and enthusiasm rather than dwelling on negative, pessimistic feelings and second-guessing decisions.

Empathy

Once a foundation of the first three competencies (all intrapersonal) is established, EI begins to influence a person's interactions with others. From a traditional business perspective, empathy may seem inappropriate or unnecessary. However, in today's economy, where teamwork, cross-cultural sensitivity and coaching and mentoring are essential, empathy is a core skill.

Managing Relationships (Social Skill)

This competency combines sincere care and friendliness with a purpose. To manage relationships effectively, leaders must understand and channel their emotions in useful ways, be motivated to take positive action and exhibit empathy toward others. As opposed to trying to manipulate or manage relationships, this is about setting a positive tone of cooperation no matter how difficult the situation or conversation and having other's best interests in mind while focusing on achieving goals to create win-win outcomes. It can help all sides find common ground where collaboration can lead to movement in the desired direction.

Where Do You Start?

Laying a strong foundation in emotional self-awareness increases the likelihood of building strong skill in the other competencies. Some actions that can be taken to enhance skill in emotional self-awareness include...

• Notice and name your emotions - the ability to identify your feelings provides information you can use to make decisions and help you determine what to say or do (or not to say or do) in various circumstances.

• Identify triggers to negative emotions - these can be people, events, or situations that frequently trigger a strong, negative emotional response. Once you identify triggers, you will be more aware of situations in which it might be helpful for you to manage your emotions (emotional self-regulation, the second EI competency).

• Identify what's important in your life and the positive emotions they evoke - these positive emotions are the emotions you will want to experience more frequently. Increased frequency in experiencing these kinds of emotions is related to more positive energy. And research shows that when the emotions are positive, thinking is clearer and better decisions are made.

Outstanding leaders are often said to have "good people skills." But the person they are most skilled at handling is themselves. They start from the inside and work out. The good news is that all of these competencies can be systematically learned, enhanced and developed.

1. Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence, 1995, Bantam Books.