My family consists of 5 people. I am the youngest. I grew up in a small village outside of Surin. When I was 6 years old my mom left us to go work in Bangkok so I stayed with my dad and my brother and sister. My sister is the oldest one of us, about 5 years older than me, and when she was 12 years old she also had to go to Bangkok to work with my mom. My dad did not stay with us much because he had to go away to find work in other places. He stayed with us when it was time to farm the rice but otherwise he was working in sugar plantations in Suphan Buri. Most of the time it was just me and my brother but we had relatives living close who helped us with food and to look after us.

In the rice farming season the older students at school had to help to farm the rice for the school. I started helping when I was about 10 years old. The school I went to taught students up to the age of 12. When my brother was living with me he did everything to help me but when he was 13 years old, I was 11, he had to go away for work and I didn't hear anything from him or about him for a very long time. At this time I stayed with my aunt who lives in the same village but when my dad was home I stayed with him. All this time I only saw my mother maybe 1 time every year and I did not understand why she had to go away and leave us.

When I was 12 years old and finished school my mom came to get me to go to work with her in Bangkok. I didn't want to go. I wanted to continue to go to school and I could not understand why she wouldn't let me. I later found out that my dad likes to play cards and had lost a lot of money and land doing so. He had borrowed money from people using our land titles as security but could not pay them back so they took the land. My mom wanted to pay of the loans on some of our land, so we would at least have something, but needed me to help working to get the money to do so. For Thai people it is important to have some land to pass on to your kids. So when I was 12 I went with my mom to work in the textile industry in Bangkok.

When I first came to Bangkok my feeling was that I hated the city. I wanted to go to school and did not want to be here! I started to work 7.30 am and work until 9 pm every day but Sunday. Sometimes we had to work Sundays also. I was working producing fabrics for the textile factory. It was hard work and I hated it! We didn't even go out to eat because they gave us food inside the factory. I remember thinking "where is the sun" because I never saw it.

After 1 year my sister had to go back to Surin to marry a guy that my aunt had found for her. My sister had never met the guy before and she was very upset to marry someone she did not love, but she had to do it. My sister and the guy divorced after 1.5 years but had one baby together. After that my sister came back to work in Bangkok again.

After I had worked in the factory for one year I tried to go back to school at the same time as I was working. I went every Sunday and I had a lot of friends and I liked it a lot! When I had been in Bangkok for about 2 years I had friends and my feeling was that I now loved Bangkok. I heard that a lot of my friends back in Surin had gotten married and had kids and had gotten divorced already. My feeling was that coming to Bangkok had changed the way I looked on many things and that I had learned a lot of things I would not have learned in Surin. When I look on my friends who had families early I think that if I would have stayed in Surin my life would have been the same as theirs. This is one of the reasons why I love Bangkok.

I went to school for two years in Bangkok, part time every Sunday. After I had been going to school for two years the company I was working for got a lot of new business. My boss asked me to stop going to school and to start working in the office instead. The new job meant more money but also that I had to work more than before. The work was more free and some days I worked a lot and some days a little less. No more school for me, something I regret today but at that time I had no choice. Part of me feels very bad about not having any education but at the same time I feel proud that I could help my mom and my family to get out of debt. We don't have a lot but since 4 years ago we don't owe any money to anyone.

When I was around 18 years old I had my first boyfriend, I had never been with a boy before. We had known each other for 3-4 years before anything happened between us. He was very handsome but also lazy. He did not work or do anything so I had to do everything. He came from a rich family so he was used to not work. After he met me he didn't get any more money from the family but he was still too lazy to get a job. I had to take care of him also. We did not stay together very long, maybe a year.

When I finished with my boyfriend a felt like I was rich because I did not have to give him any money. I was still giving a lot to my mom but I could also afford to go see my friends and go out shopping. I wondered why I had wasted so much time on him and not finished before. I think my first boyfriend was a good teacher to me. After him I did not want to be with any boys because I thought they were all lazy and no good.

After 6-7 months I met a new guy who was a friend of one of our customers. The customer liked me and always brought me gifts when he came to do business. One time he came with a friend who also liked me. The friend was more handsome and looked like a good man. I got the feeling that he was kind and supportive. He was a lot different from my last boyfriend. We went to see movies and have dinner and we had a good time together. Unfortunately he lived a 3 hour buss ride from Bangkok and I did not have much free time. We could not see each other so much, maybe once a week. Every Saturday night after work I had to get on a buss to go see him and every Monday morning, around 3 am, I had to wake up to go back to work in Bangkok. I was always tired but it was OK because I was in love. We stayed together for around 3 years but then he made another girl pregnant and I finished with him. I was very sad because we had planed to get married. I still think he was a good man and could have been a good husband but I could not forgive.

After I finished with my boyfriend after he made another girl pregnant, I started to go out and party with my friends. This was the first time I tried alcohol, I was 22 years old. I had 2-3 gigs (gig is a Thai word for a friend who you have sex with) but no boyfriend. I did not want one after what my previous ones had done. Shortly after my break up from my boyfriend we managed to pay of our debts. It was a great feeling and I told my mom to go back home to Surin and I would send her money and take care of her. I felt that she had been working so hard to take care of us and now it was my turn.

My dad had gone back to Surin about 4 years before my mom went back. He was very lonely and he tried to become village chief, because of the power and the money, but he lost. He had said that if he lost the election he would become a monk so he did. He is still a monk now after more than 7 years.

At the time I had my second boyfriend my sister said that she was going back to Surin to see her daughter who was living with our aunt. When she was in Surin a friend of hers came to see her in my aunts house. The friend had just come back from Pattaya where she was working. She told my sister about her job there and convinced my sister to go back there with her to try it. My sister didn't come back to Bangkok and she is still in Pattaya.

Before my mom went back to Surin I talked to my sister about what we should do to help our mom. I wanted her to help with money because she had never done that before. I told her that if she could send money for her daughter I could send money for mom.

I was still working in the office of the factory. I had now been there about 10 years and my mother had been there even longer. We knew everyone and it felt like we were family. My boss had a younger brother who was also working for the company. He was like a big brother to me. He helped me with money and when I went to see customers he would sometimes drive me and or pick me up. I didn't think much about this since we had known each other so long. One time after he had picked me up at a customers office we were driving home when he said he had to go to the bathroom. He stopped at a motel and I asked him why we had to stop there when there were toilets else where. He tried to touch me and tried to get me to go inside with him but I did not want to. He insisted and I got out of the car and ran away. I was really scared. After that I could not go back to the office again. I did not want to see him and I could not tell anyone about what had happened. My boss tried to find me because he was worried, he didn't know why I did not come back to work. He tried at my friends and even called my mom to ask her. She didn't know and was also worried. A friend from work, a girl also from Surin, told me that he was very worried and that there was a lot to do at work and she asked me to go back but I could not.

I went to live with a friend I knew from school. My friend did a lot of drugs and she tried to get me to try but I did not want to. We partied together and had a lot of fun. I was living of my savings. When we were going out there was a man, a lot older than me, that would always book the table next to where I was with my friends. At this time we went mostly to the same place so it wasn't hard for him to find us. He would not talk to me only look but at that time I still had gigs so I was not interested. One day he asked the staff to get him my phone number and I gave it to them but he never called. One day I had decided to move to my own room and I don't know why but I went to him and asked him if he could help me. He gave me some money but did not ask me for anything back. This man was very rich. He kept coming to the bar but we did not talk much. After 2-3 months he called me for the first time and asked me if I could go to dinner with him. He had a free dinner at some golf club and he took me there. We ate, drank and talked. The golf club had a resort and after dinner we got a room there.

After the night at the golf club the man I had been with started to take care of everything for me. He payed for my room, food, shopping and he gave me money that I could do what ever I wanted with. He was already married and had a family in Taiwan but I did not think to much about them. I still had my gigs but I did not tell him. We did not stay together a long time because I found out that he was paying people to spy on me and he was very possessive. I was young and did not have a lot of experience going out, everything was fun for me for the first time in my life so we broke up. I still had money saved that I could send to my mom but I did not tell her much about my life, about what I was doing or where I was, I did not want her to worry. After some time my money was all spent on partying and I was broke.

I left my room to stay with another friend. I tried to sell make-up but it was long hours and not a lot of money. I could not make enough money to take care of myself and to send money home to my mom. The end of the month was approaching and I had to send money home to mom and to help my friend to pay rent but I did not know how. I had been caught up in the moment and had not been thinking about the future. My friend had an older sister who was working in Koh Samui and who was now coming to Bangkok. We knew that she had been working selling sex to Farangs, in Koh Samui a lot there are a lot of Thai girls who do this, but now she had a boyfriend. We knew that she had some money so maybe we could borrow from her. When she came and we asked her she told us that we could make our own money by selling sex, it was not that hard she told us. She would take us to a bar where we could do that and she could give us a little money so we could pay to get in to the bar and to buy drinks. I could not speak English and I was scared but I didn't think I had many options. Many Thai girls from Surin do this, it is not something you talk about but everyone knows what is going on in Phuket, Pattaya and Bangkok. My friend sister was also talking about how maybe in the future we could find a Farang boyfriend who could take care of us so we did not have to work like this for long. It sounded very good.

We went with her to one of the big expensive hotels in downtown Bangkok, Novotel in Siam Square. We were 4 girls who went together but I felt lost in this big place. The hotel was so big and everything was so beautiful, I had never seen anything like it before, only on TV. I could not understand how they could have a bar in a place like this. Before we arrived I was very scared but now I was also feeling a lot of excitement mixed with the fear. We went into the CM2 bar and in there I saw a lot of Farangs, both men and women. There was also a lot of Thai girls. At that time I could not understand why Farang girls would come here and work like this, selling sex. I thought all Farangs were rich. I asked my friends sister where these girls came from and she told me that they were from Russia. My friends sister spoke very good English and she took good care of us in the bar. She did not want to leave us alone so she tried to make sure that we all had someone before she would go with a guy. She brought a guy over and introduced him to me but I could not talk to him because I did not speak English. My friends sister did all the talking and I just smiled. After he finished his drink we went up to his room in the hotel. We did what he wanted and then I went down to the bar again. Everyone was there and we stayed until the bar closed. After 2 am when the bar closed we all went to another nightclub, Boss Club, that was open late. In Bangkok all bars and nightclubs have to close at 2 am but there are always a few places that are open late because the owners are well connected. We had a lot of fun and about 4 am we all went home.

When I went with the guy I was scared and excited. My heart was pounding. I didn't know what to say or do but it was just like having sex with anyone. I didn't feel very good inside but I could not understand how it could be this easy to make this much money in such a short time. He gave me 100 USD and at that time that felt like a lot of money. In one hour I had made more money than I did in one week working in the office.

After that first night at the CM2 bar, in the Novotel hotel on Siam Square, I went shopping for a book to learn English from. I quickly learned how to say hello and good bye in English and other useful words like "can you give me for taxi also?". I went back to CM2 two more nights. I felt scared and exited every night we went there and I think I really wanted to take it more slowly. The problem was that my friends sister was only going to stay in Bangkok one week before she was going to Udon Thani to see her family. We wanted to learn as much as we could from her about this kind of work when she was here in Bangkok so we went. She did not know if she was coming back to Bangkok before going to Koh Samui or if she was going to go to Koh Samui directly from Udon Thani. After the three nights at CM2 my friends sister told me she would take me to work in another place. A much nicer and more expensive hotel where there were a lot of rich business people visiting Bangkok.

The following night we went to Spasso in the Grand Hyatt Erawan hotel. She was right! It was much nicer. Everything was more luxurious and more expensive. Again I was amazed that there were places like this. In Spasso everyone was more well dressed and looked more hi-so (hi-so is what Thais call rich people from the upper classes of society). When I walked to get in everyone was looking at me maybe because I was a new face to the staff, the Thai girls and the men who were regulars. We only bought one drink each and made it last a long time because in here everything was so expensive. We were waiting for some guys to come talk to us and to maybe buy us another drink. After some time three guys came to talk to us and they bought us all drinks. We had a lot of fun and we were dancing on the dance floor but my friend told me that I had to go learn how to dance because I was not very good.

The three guys were friends and were in Bangkok for customer meetings. They were all staying at the Holiday Inn hotel just across the street from the Grand Hyatt Erawan hotel. Three of us, we were still the same four girls who went to CM2 that first time, went there with them but my friend went home. After I had been with the guy he wanted me to stay until morning but I did not understand what he was trying to say. I had to call my friends sister who was in his friends room so she could translate. I ended up staying until morning and so did my friends sister but the third girl had to go home so she did.

I don't know what price my friends sister had agreed on but when we came home she asked me how much he had given me. I showed her the 200 USD and 2000 Bath he had given me and she was a bit surprised because she had only gotten 200 USD. I don't know why he gave me 2000 Bath more but I did not complain. In four nights I had made more than 500 USD, more than 18000 Bath which was much more than a months salary in the office. Coming from a poor family, that I also had to help support, this was too much money to say no to.

The day after we went to Spasso, in the Grand Hyatt Erawan hotel, the guy I had been with had sent me an SMS asking what time he could see me again. I had to ask my friends sister to help me with the English but we managed to set a time. We all went back to Spasso together that night but before that we were talking a lot. We were talking about the guys we had just met and about how nice they were. My friends sister said that maybe I was very lucky and maybe I had already met someone who could take care of me so I did not have to do this anymore. I was very exited and my feeling was that please let it be so. He was nice and seemed to be very generous.

We met him and his friends in the bar around 10.30 pm. We were dancing, drinking and having a good time. We could not talk much because of my bad English but I kept smiling at him and he seemed happy enough. After Spasso closed we went back to his hotel, The Holiday Inn. My friends sister came along also but the other two girls went home. We four went to the other guys room and ordered food from room service. We ate together and drank wine. After about two hours we went back to his room and I did not go back home until morning. He gave me 200 USD and 2000 Bath just the same as the night before.

We met in Spasso again the next night but we could not go back to his room because he had to fly back to France the next morning. We partied together and he gave me another 3000 Bath and I went home alone. He told my sisters friend that he was going to call me from France and that he would let me know when he was coming back to Bangkok so we could meet again.

The night after we did not go out because my friends sister had to catch an early flight to Udon Thani. The last guy I met, the guy from France, mad me think a lot. Because he had been so nice to me the three days we had seen each other maybe he really liked me. I did not know if he had a family back home or not. This made me feel bad about going with other guys the nights before. I was hoping that he would call me or send some message. A message would be better because then I would have time to get help with the translation, talking would have been difficult. He was a nice guy, I was not in love but I liked him and I was hoping that he could maybe help me with money.

I am so sad that until now that guy has never called me again. ;-P

The following week I did not go out. I was selling make up and studying English.

Two weeks after the French guy had gone back to Europe my friends sister came back to Bangkok. That night we went to the CM2 bar in Novotel, Siam Square, again. I was still scared but I felt more confident as I had been studying English really hard. I also brought my English-Thai dictionary in my bag. However I was prepared to immediately tell anyone who wanted to talk to me that I could not speak good English. That night there were a lot of girls because it was "lady night" so all girls got in for free. We stayed until 1 am but nothing happened so we went to Spasso in the Grand Hyatt Erawan hotel instead. When we got there most of the guys had a girl already because we were so late. We were talking to our friends and said that maybe if we came back tomorrow night early things would be better for us. We stayed until 2 am and when Spasso closed we went to Boss club where my friends sister was going to meet some friends. Boss club was a bit boring but we stayed with my friends sister and her friends until it closed and then we went home.

The night after we went back to Spasso around 10.30. There were not too many people because it was still early but about 20 minutes later people started to pour in. Some guy came up to talk to us and he said that he had seen us the night before but that he had been busy so he had no chance to talk to us then. (Maybe he was with another girl?) He was sitting at a table with many people, both guys and girls, and he invited us over to sit with them. We all went over there but I had a feeling that I did not like them very much. They did not have good manners and they were talking to and touching all the girls in the place. They did not show any respect. The guy bought us drinks and one of my friends was talking to one of his other friends. We left his table but stayed close because of our friend who was still sitting with them. After another 10 minutes another guy came to talk to us. He asked about what we wanted to drink and he took us to the bar to buy us drinks. Before we went we asked our friend who was sitting with the first group if it was OK that we went. She said that the guy she was talking to seemed to be a nice guy and that she would be OK. I told her to take care of her self and that we would come back soon. The new guy bought us drinks and we were all talking to him. We did not know witch one of us he liked because he was talking to all of us. When we were talking to him two more guys came to talk to us, they didn't know each other but everyone was OK with that. I and my friend went over to the table to see how our other friend was doing whilst my friends sister was talking to the new guys. I asked her if she was OK and she said that she was and that she was going to go with that guy. At that time the guy who had invited us to the table tried to kiss me and my friend on the cheeks. I understood that he was drunk but my feeling was that he thought that because we were there working he could do anything he liked. (I would like all Farang men to understand that even though we work like this we would like to be treated with some respect. We have feelings and still have our dignity.) We left our friend at the table and left. We did not worry too much because she could speak better English than we could and she had been doing this before I knew her.

We were talking to the new guys and dancing and having fun. When Spasso closed one of the guys wanted to go to some other place that was open late but everyone else were feeling a bit tired so we did not. Instead we all went home separately with the guys to their hotels. This time I spoke well enough English to be able to talk about the price on my own. I had not learned so much yet but I had learned to talk about money. I told him I wanted 200 USD and he was OK with that. We finished and I got dressed to go home. When I was on my way out I asked if he could give me some money for a taxi so he gave me another 500 Bath.

That time my friends (her name is So) sister would only stay in Bangkok for a few days before she had to go to Koh Samui. She needed to go meet someone there and to work and she did not know when she was going to be back in Bangkok again. We could go out together two more nights but after that I did not know what was going to happen. I wanted to go out with someone who could help meet guys and So was not very good at this. She thought she was too special and so beautiful that she did not have to do anything. I had to do all the work and I wanted to find someone who could help me more.

That night So's sister took us to the CM2 bar in Novotel, Siam Square, again. I don't like that bar too much, I think Spasso in the Grand Hyatt Erawan hotel is better. There we met two friends of So's sister. So's sister told me that her friends had been working in the CM2 bar a long time already but that they had been home visiting their families. They had come back to Bangkok just yesterday and that was why we had not met them before. So's sister told me that next time I wanted to come there to work I could call her friends. I felt very happy to have some new friends to go out with. Her friends were very nice. One of them was named Oh and she was a little older than me. The other one was named Gung and I think she was younger than me.

Gung liked to walk around to look for customers. Some people like to walk around because it easier to find customers but some like to stay in the same place with their friends because it looks better. Gung found a guy after she had been walking around for about 30 minutes and she came back and told us. She said she was going to be with him and that we did not have to worry about her anymore. That night there were many guys in CM2 but So and our other friend went home early. I stayed with So's sister and Oh. We talked to many guys but nothing happened so at 2 am I and So's sister went home.

After that night So's sister did not want to go out again. She was tired and bored and it did not help that we had not gotten any customers the night before. After two more days So's sister went to Koh Samui. After she had gone I did not go out for more than two months. I was selling make up and I did not know what to do now. Half of me wanted to go out to work again because of the money but the other half was not sure. I asked So if she wanted to go out again but she did not want to. So don't want to do anything, she is very lazy. I took her to sell make up but she didn't last more than a couple of days. At that time she was a beautiful Thai girl and she had a high ranking police officer who supported her so she did not have to work.

I did not want to go out alone but I did not have anyone to go with. I was scared to call Oh and Gung to go out together. Maybe they would just leave me on my own if I went out with them. I talked to my best friend from school, who I had stayed with after a left my job at the office, her name is Bee. I thought a long time before I told her because I did not want her to know that I was selling sex. I told her about everything that had happened after So's sister had come back to Bangkok. She did not know that my savings were finished and that I was out of money but she was OK with it. She told me that if I needed someone to go with her as her friend she could do that. After that I called Oh and Gung and we went to see them in the CM2 bar.

I and Bee were there about 10.30 pm. Oh and Gung were not there yet but they came after about 30 minutes. Bee was surprised to see so many girls, both Thai girls and Farang, who were working like this. I had told her before but I guess she had to see it for her self. That night I and Bee went home without any guys. I asked Bee what she felt about it. She said that if it was good money maybe she would try also but at least she could go with me as my friend.

I started to go out together with Bee. Sometimes So would go out with us but not all the time. We usually went to the same two places as before, the CM2 bar in Novotel on Siam Square and Spasso in the Grand Hyatt hotel. Most nights I would meet some guy that I would go with but not every night. I quit selling make-up because I was too tired to both go out at night and sell make-up during the day. I met many new friends when I was working. Many of my new friends were talking about going to Hong-Kong and Singapore to work. They said you could make really good money there and that many of the girls who went met rich boyfriends who took care of them so they didn't have to work. I heard stories about girls who met boyfriends after only one week and when they came back to Bangkok they could buy a car. I wanted to go also but I was too scared because of my poor English and I had never been outside of Thailand before. Bee also wanted to go but she was scared to. She said that if she was going she wanted to go together with me, but we never went.

I learned about new places such as the Conrad hotel, the Sheraton Grande Sukhumvit and the Landmark hotel, also on Sukhumvit, where Thai girls were meeting Farang. I never went there because I heard that the music was not good for dancing, I now liked to dance and I was getting better, and that there were not as many people as in CM2 and Spasso.

Now I have a lot of friends, some good and some bad, I know. But it's good to know many people when you go out if you get into trouble. It's also easier to find someone to go out with. Sometimes you can also get information about the guys who have been with your friends before. They can tell you which guys are good or bad and which ones that make problems. Some guys want to go with a girl but not pay and some other guys tip a lot, it's all good to know before.

One month ago I felt were sorry for a friend of mine. She had gone with a guy she met in Spasso to his hotel. He was a young guy and very handsome, many girls came to talk to him. He was very nice to us in Spasso, he bought drinks for many girls and many of the girls wanted to go with him but he liked my friend the most. About 2.30 am my friend went with him to the Sheraton hotel, where he was staying. Another friend of the guy went with them together with another girl. The two guys were sharing a double room so my friend went with "her" guy to the toilet where they had sex. The other guy had sex with the other girl in the bedroom and then she left. When my friend came out from the toilet they ordered some food to eat. After eating the guy wanted to have sex with my friend again and he wanted his friend to join them. My friend told him that she did not want to have sex with two guys. My friend had a good feeling about the guy from back when they met in the bar and she could not understand why he did like this and wanted to give her to his friend, she was very upset. When she said no the guy hit her. She told him that she would call the police but the guy called to the lobby and had the staff come to throw her out. He gave her 1000 Bath before they took her out. (One thing girls have to be careful about is that many guys who buy a lot of drinks for everyone and shows off their money will not pay for the sex. You have to talk about money before you have sex with them.) My friend called me and she was crying but I was already home and could not help her. I felt really sorry for her.