So you are finally a mother. Whether you are experiencing motherhood by careful planning or as an unexpected surprise you are most likely feeling all the anxiousness and excitement that comes with your new bundle of joy. You look forward to every coo and gurgle. Each development your little one makes is a grand affair and you await the day that he offers you his first smile.

It can be a wonderful feeling to know that this tiny life depends wholly upon you for survival. But realizing this can also be overwhelming. As time passes you begin to feel the true responsibility of having a new baby. The early morning feedings, sleepless nights, inconvenient earaches and endless crying coupled with everyday chores and a full time job is enough to make even the strongest woman crack under the pressure. Now throw in the fact that you may be a single mother dealing with all of this alone and you are a time bomb waiting to explode. So here area seven steps to help you navigate through the tough terrain of being a new mom.

You are not perfect

As a new mother you will experience a myriad of emotions and not all of them will be positive. By being sleep deprived and operating on a full schedule you will at some time feel fatigued, irritated, agitated and quick tempered. You will make mistakes. When you do, learn to forgive yourself. When I first brought my daughter home from the hospital the realization that she was my responsibility for the next eighteen years hit me like a ton of bricks. My new daughter taught me that I was not as slow to anger and as patient as I had once thought. She slept very little and cried constantly and so did I. I went through a phase of depression and even questioned my maternal abilities. Those times when I would lose my temper I would feel like a monster. When you are operating under stress and with little or no sleep it is normal to feel this way. Realize that you are only human.

On the job training

Children do not come with instructions. Every child is different and you will have to learn by trial and error what works best for your child. Remember that your baby is adjusting to this new life as well so eventually you will learn how to work around their eating and sleeping schedule. You will learn their likes and dislikes, how to calm and soothe them and what makes them sleep. When you realize this you will begin to feel a little less pressure and will begin to enjoy your baby.

Ask for help

Every new mom could use a helping hand. If you are a single mother or if you have a special needs child it really helps to know that you have someone there for you. Reach out for help. Doing it all yourself doesn’t make you a good mother; it makes you a tired mother. If someone offers to assist you, let them. Having someone to do certain chores around the house will take the pressure off you. If possible you should ask for the help of a friend or loved one who is able to watch your child so that you can have a little time to yourself. Every mother needs time alone with themselves to be able to regroup, readjust and feel whole again. No one said you had to do it all.

Shed a few tears

This may sound simple but crying will relieve pressure and give you a positive release. It is not a sign of weakness but one of strength. When a new mother is sleep deprived, experiencing extreme hormonal changes, dealing with everyday chores and a full time job she can began to feel the pressure of having a new baby. Crying is one way of releasing this pressure. It’s nature’s way of helping you. So go on and have a good cry.

You are not alone

Realize that you are not the first mother to feel stress and anxiety. You should know that feeling frustrated is normal for a new mother. Even if you begin to question whether you should have become a mother at all is also a normal reaction that comes from feeling overwhelmed. Just know that you are not alone in your emotions. Being a new mother is exciting and wonderful but with it comes new responsibilities. You may even wonder if you will have time to spend with your husband again. Step back, take a deep breath and realize that you will get beyond this phase. Calm yourself and realize that your lives will be normal again.

Talk with other mothers

There is strength in numbers. Talk with other mothers who have experienced similar situations with frustration and stress. We only hear the happy stories of motherhood. But rarely do we hear how stressful being a new mother can be. Once I realized that there were other mothers who felt as I did I began to feel more positive about my own situation and I knew that the next day would be a better day.

Brighter days ahead

Better days are on the horizon. Your baby will began to cry less often and sleep through the night as he begins to adjust to his new life in the outside world. There will come a day when you will be dressed before twelve in the afternoon and actually start and finish a project before your child notices that you are out of the room. You will also be able to spend a little quiet time with your husband again. Life will slowly return to normal and you will know that you will be able to handle being a mom.

Over time I have discovered that there are many challenges that come with being a mother. The responsibility of raising a child is not always easy. You will see your child go through many stages. They will move beyond diapers, pacifiers and bottled foods and before you know it you will begin planning what school they will attend. So enjoy each phase of your child’s life because it will go by so quickly.

The concerns of a mother never end because simply having a child makes you vulnerable. It is in a mother’s nature to want to shelter her children from life’s hurts and disappointments. You will find that this is impossible. Someone once said that having children is like taking your heart out of your chest and letting it run around. I could not agree more. But ultimately the goal is to raise emotionally healthy and self sufficient children. So as mothers we must realize that we have the most important job of all. And if we get it right we will reap bountiful rewards in the end.