10 Ways to Get Your Kids to Talk to You

Parents can often be frustrated by their kids' unwillingness

to share their lives with them. Whether your kids are

toddlers or teens, there will be times when it's difficult

to "break through" and find out what's really going on.

Here are ten ideas on how to create opportunities for your

kids to open up and share their lives with you.

1. Don't try so hard to get them to talk

The harder you try to get them to talk, the more they'll

resist you. When you relax the pressure a bit, they'll sense

it, and be more ready to talk.

2. Slow down your own life and be available

Kids have a keen sense of how busy you are. If you're

providing enough down time for you and your kids, they'll be

more likely to feel comfortable talking to you.

3. Engage in a physical activity that they enjoy

Some kids are more comfortable when they're moving. Shooting

baskets, playing soccer, or a game of catch may have your

child chattering away. Moving the body can serve to move the

mouth as well!

4. Be as non-judgmental as possible

If your kids feel they won't be judged when they talk to

you, they'll have no reason to hold back. Have a sense of

curiosity and wonder about what they're saying, and limit

the lectures about what's right or wrong.

5. Use open-ended questions

Questions that begin with "why" tend to create

defensiveness, and yes or no questions won't get much of a

response. Learn to use questions that stimulate

conversation. "What did you notice about that picture?"

works better than, "Did you like that picture?"

6. Use the car as a place for conversation

You've got them and they can't get out! Don't allow video

games or music to interfere with your opportunity to talk

with them.

7. Reflect back what you hear from them

It's still the best way for your kids to feel heard, and the

best way to encourage them to expand on the subject.

8. Talk to them while they're coloring, painting, or

drawing

Using these activities to allow your kids to express

themselves can help them communicate to you as well. And

joining in on the activity yourself can produce an even

greater sense of connection and sharing.

9. Provide opportunities for fun and excitement

When your kids are doing something they love to do, they'll

want to share it with you. Provide these for your kids, and

listen to them talk about it afterward!

10. Be a parent, but be a friend as well

While you must be a parent first, being a friend to your

kids will help them to want to share with you. Don't overdo

the strict parental stuff.