Nancy is 38 and has been dating Barry for a year now and is wondering if he is the one for her. She would like to be married with a family and is starting to think about if she should break up with Barry. My advice is that if she isn’t sure, then it is not right. This is why. Of the couples I have interviewed, they expressed having these signs about their mates they married:

1. There is a feeling of “home”.

There is a sense of comfort, and a familiarity. The word recognition comes up as knowing that this person is the one. It’s like you have known the person your whole life. It’s so easy to talk to one another.

2. There is a Flow.

The relationship has ease. The couples finish each other’s sentences. Time just flies when you are with the right person. Yes, relationships take work, but this is joyous work. The concept of flow is true for both in and out of the bedroom!

3. You are able to laugh together and have fun.

You enjoy being with each other and get each other’s jokes. You may not have exactly the same humor, but you at least crack a smile. My husband and I both blew straw wrappings at each other like kids! It’s okay to be silly with this person. The couple has fun doing activities together and has some similar interests.

4. You are each other’s best friend.

There is a sense of trust and loyalty. You are know your partner will be there for you through thick and thin and can be counted on. You want to share everything with this person- the good and the bad stuff. You are always excited to see that person walk in the door.

5. You both act in a “we” way rather than a “me” way.

The couple makes decisions that the benefit the relationship instead of only the individual. You share life goals and work together towards them together. You care about how your actions affect the other.

When all these signs are in place, then it is natural to want to take the next step towards marriage. The only things that would stop the progress in a relationship would be one or both of their internal fears and external circumstances.

When Nancy realized that several of these signs were missing in her current relationship, she became clear that she needed to move on and find someone better suited to her rather than hoping that things would change in her present situation. This wasn’t the easy path, but she was determined not to settle for anything less.