What could I do to be a better and effective coach? Neither Martin Luther King nor Gandhi ever took a course or seminar on non violence; Walter Cronkite on valuing integrity; Abraham Lincoln on valuing diversity; Harry S. Truman on straight talk. They all trusted their values to guide and direct them toward doing the right things. They truly were the essential examples of their values. On a similar note, how many times have we cautioned our youngsters before leaving on a night out with pals: "Do not ever forget who you are!"? Your values are showing throughout your leadership coaching discussions most especially in the Step One of the Coaching Model- Be supportive.

Take note that it does not say Do Supportive. Support is a decision within, an inside job, regarding how you want to relate and associate with others and the values you would try to live in your relationship with other people. The Eight Step Coaching Model describes the process, but too often the focus or attention is on the techniques only. Focusing just on one technique is basically manipulative. "How could I say it to get other people to do things my way, to win my point, and convince them along the way?" Like Olympic figure skaters, coaches must evaluate themselves in two aspects; style and skills, the expression of the values that you hold.

Good leadership coaching, similar to good parenting, is a way of being, as well as doing. This way of being, or our values, drives our actions and behaviors. So which of these two coaches will you like to work with? One who is lacking with good technique but had a central belief in others, and a desire to help them attain their objectives; or the other who possesses excellent technique or strategy, a true smooth communicator who valued control and getting their own way? It is a good thing that we’re not faced with these black and white differences. Good and effective leadership coaching from a helping value base needs both skills and a crucial assessment of how you perceive your role: competitor or helper; salesperson or facilitator; a resource or gate keeper; boss or mentor; controller or catalyst; teller or teacher? Partnering with, versus controlling and managing those you coach, is established on two different value sets.

Partnering is established on a fundamental value of assisting other individuals accomplish their dreams. Sans a helping/partnering core value, concentrating just on supportive actions and words results in shallow words without profound or penetrating definition or motivation and craftiness. But prior to entering into any coaching discussion, try asking yourself one simple question: What is my paradigm or mindset, ally or nemesis? Your answer to the question would have the most effect on your coaching relationship. Self-evident? Then why in a non-business setting does ordinary wisdom make the case that parent-teenager relationships are inevitably adversarial? Partnering is predicated on the coach desiring to make a helping relationship or a union.

The decision within in living this value would drive the cooperating partnering behavior upon which the Eight Step Coaching Model and good leadership coaching is established.