Have you ever sat and wondered to yourself why women want the "jerk"?

Or have you looked at friends / acquaintances relationships and been unable to understand why that smoking hot girl is still with that guy who treats her like dirt? And thought to yourself, if she could only see how sweet and nice you are she would want you?

I've heard this alot and I'm pretty sure you've heard it aswell.

Let's start from the beginning - I am NOT going to tell you to stop being "a" nice guy, what we are going to deal with is why women don't want the nice guy.

The major difference between the two is this; "the" nice guy EMOTIONALLY OVERREACHES.

Some examples of this:

"The" nice guy turns up to a first coffee date with flowers & chocolates.

"The" nice guy tries to be 'friends' with a girl he likes, hoping that it can turn into something else when she sees what a nice guy he is.

"The" nice guy puts up with her crap even if it crosses his boundaries e.g. answering the phone at 3am to listen to her crying about how her jerk boyfriend has cheated on her only to find out shes back with him the next week.

Before we start, let me say officially, women don't want jerks. They do, however, want, enjoy and even need, the emotions the "jerk" guy can give them. Before anyone takes me the wrong way let me clarify what I mean by "nice"

"Nice" = boring

"Nice" = neutral

"Nice" = no challenge

"Nice" is kindness with an agenda, you're doing something for someone with the expectation of getting something back, and it's not just girls that can smell this a mile off. Ever been in a position of power or authority and had people suck up to you to leech your value? Not a nice feeling is it.

Would you want a woman like this? I don't think so.

By constantly doing everything she asks of you, you become dull, uninteresting & not a challenge. Saying this, make sure you don't go and become the bad type of jerk - being a polar at anything in pick up, and life in general, is a bad idea. You don't want to be the suck up good guy constantly, and you don't want to be the unavailable tease constantly either.

People want and need boundaries, and as such will test them, women will push you until they find yours so they know where they stand and what kind of guy you are.

If you allow her to break a boundary you consider important, for example she is mad at you for no reason and won't give you an explanation, she will lose respect for you as she knows she can do what she wants and you will put up with it. She is also more likely to repeat this behaviour as you have set the precedent that this behaviour is acceptable.

The old "cat-string" theory is a great way of visualising this problem; if you tease a kitten with a piece of string it will go crazy trying to catch it and have a lot of fun in the process. The problem is guys take this so far that they never let the kitten grab the string, which results in it getting bored. What I mean is as I said above you cant be a constant tease as she will inevitably lose interest.

Women LOVE confidence and dominance which nice guys NEVER exude - they are too scared of doing something she won't like and it will result in them losing the girl.

Let me give you an example:

"The" nice guy takes a girl on a date, she arrives and he ask where she wants to go & where she wants to go. Nice guys don't have a plan, they're so worried about losing the girl that they will avoid making any decisions in case they upset or offend her.

"A" nice guy arranges to meet a girl, and when she arrives he says OK, which do you like more, Chinese or Italian? She says, Chinese. He takes her hand and says awesome, I know this amazing Chinese, we're going there.

Do you see the difference?

I don't want guys reading this to lose those qualities that make them "a" nice guy - chivalry, manners, thoughtfulness etc - the fact is this, we guys have to "earn" sex from women, but women have to "earn" the nice side of you.

All the things I've listed here not to do, would be perfectly acceptable if the woman in question is a girl you're dating or a girlfriend.

So how do you become this confident guy? One part of has to do with having abundance.

So what exactly do I mean by abundance?

Say you saved up for 10 years and bought a bar of gold bullion. It would take pride of place on your mantelpiece and you would polish it and show it off every day. BUT. If you were robbed and lost it, you would be devastated as that thing you worked so hard for has gone and you're unlikely to get it back. you would bore your friends with stories of how this was the perfect bar and you'll never replace it, and curse the universe for taking it away from you.

However, if you had hundreds of the bars and you lost one, sure it would be disappointing, but you would still have many more bars you need to polish and that would take up your time - you would get over the loss faster.

The same goes for women, if you have options in your dating life, your attitude will shift from being needy and clingy to that one girl, to being a lot more chilled and relaxed, should you "lose" her or if she bails on a date etc.

Why is this an issue?

A consistent recurring theme I hear from guys and girls, I meet is that they want to know how to "get" this one special person. They focus all their time and energy on them to the exclusion of anyone else. They become the "nice" and needy guy, constantly calling / texting / facebooking / sending flowers etc to her to get her attention and trying to line up dates. They take her crap, put up with unacceptable behaviour and are generally presenting an incredibly weak and unchallenging frame.

This has the net effect of you losing attraction in her eyes, as you are way too available and way too little of a challenge. I mean, how much of a cool guy can you be if you're behaving as if she is the only girl on the planet.

How do I create abundance?

Having abundance means you should act as if nothing is ever a "big deal".

If a girl cancels a date on you and you get all crazy and angry and respond emotionally to it, then she knows you don't have options and as such, you lose value.

However, if she cancels and your attitude is more "hey, no problem, I'll call you and we'll reschedule" - you are sub-communicating that, sure, it's a shame you won't be going on the date, but it's not a massive issue, because YOU HAVE OPTIONS. Plus, you still have the ball in your court as you have said you will call her to reschedule.

The abundance to-do list:

Fake it till you make it - Chill out, relax, if you feel the need to text a girl again before she's replied, call a friend, play xbox, go to the gym, just go do something that distracts you from thinking about it!

Go out more! - If you're reading more than you're going out, you won't be meeting different women.

Start going for dates instead of just collecting phone numbers - I've lost count of the number of guys who'll gladly show me they have hundreds of women's numbers, but yet no dates for the following week.

They don't have to cost the earth, but should definitely be fun, exciting and different.

You will quickly discover that, When you are dating several times a week and one cancels, it really is no big deal as you have several other options open to you, and suddenly, the abundance "theory" has become abundance "reality".