In order to discipline your child the right way, it is important to know why the child is behaving the way they are. There are different reasons why a child may be expressing negative behaviour. Perhaps the child is trying to figure out how far they can go before you say ‘no’. Or, they may be jealous of the attention you pay to siblings or to other things. Whatever the reason your child is ‘acting out’; you must take care not to reinforce the bad behaviour by giving them the attention they crave, instead, use positive disciplining techniques that work.

This is not to say that you should ignore your child.

Giving positive attention and affection at the right time is critical if you want your child to build confidence, self-esteem and trust in you and in the world. However, in order to instil discipline and break the strangle hold your toddler or child has on your family, you have to avoid giving this attention when the child is misbehaving.

Paying attention to a child when they are having a tantrum will only show them that this is the way to get what they want. It is important to remember that a child who wants attention will not care whether it is negative or positive as long as you give it to them. You must take care not to reinforce their bad behaviour.

If you are having problems with your toddler, there are discipline techniques you can use to make your life easier and to more easily communicate the boundaries to your child. You don’t have to resort to screaming or spanking.

One way of disciplining your child without shouting is when the toddler interrupts or misbehaves, you can stop what you are doing briefly and remind them how to ask – by saying ‘excuse me’ – or how to share a toy. What you don’t want to do is to embarrass the child so do not make a big deal out of the instruction. Just say it and move on, that way, you make them understand the behaviour is wrong while it is happening.

Whether your child has always had a behaviour problem, or has suddenly developed problems, you have to find a way of disciplining them to get your relationship back on track and to get your child to follow the rules, or your family will be in a constant state of disruption.

What makes a child act up? It can be any number of things, depending on the age of the child, the home environment, and how they handle stress.

For example, a toddler may be poised to exercise his independence, when a younger sibling is born. While that child may feel like they are ready to fly free, they suddenly discover that they have competition and they feel insecure.

That insecurity can create behavioural problems. Your toddler may start to throw temper tantrums or they may try to play with their infant sibling in a rough way.

Or perhaps, they will just refuse to eat their vegetables, or insist on interrupting you when you are talking on the phone.

Some toddlers never have a temper tantrum. Some children have tantrums starting around age two. These typically occur when the child is hungry or tired or wet. If your child has a tantrum, do not reinforce the behaviour by attempting to hold them or giving in to the tantrum, instead, employ the right discipline techniques that will ensure that your child learns the right behaviour.

If you can’t get their attention, you should firmly and loudly announce a time-out and place them in a chair or other location. If the child throws himself on the floor or returns to the original location, you must make a conscious choice to ignore his behaviour until he stops. When he stops, approach your child and talk to them about why the tantrum is not the right way to handle things. Stay calm and praise the child for controlling his temper when he does not throw a tantrum but instead takes calm action.

If you are in public and you must restrain your child, and you want to discipline your child the right way, take the child outside, to a car or another location, and sit with them while they calm down, but do not feed into the tantrum by ceding control.

Of course, you must never leave your toddler alone in a public place.