I believe most of you reading this article faces the problem of handling people effectively. Be it with your spouse, team members, business associates or clients, you sometimes will come to a point whereby there is no choice but to explode in front of the other person, don’t! By doing so, you not only make the matter worse, but also arouse resentment and disloyalty. There are however more effective ways of handling others. Use them accordingly and you will be able to handle almost anyone with ease.

Never criticize or condemn

Would you criticize yourself for anything? Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, people wouldn’t criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong it may seem. And if that is true, what difference does it make if we criticize or condemn others? Criticism is futile and dangerous because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. It also wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment. In fact, by criticizing, we do not make lasting changes, instead, demoralize employees, family members and friends, and still not correct the situation that has been condemned.

Criticism is like kicking a cow for giving poor quality milk. Not only will the cow kick you back, it will hold a grudge against you and give lesser, poorer quality milk that is not suited for human consumption. If you want more milk or better quality ones, you need to encourage instead of criticizing it.

The same concept applies, instead of condemning people, lets try to understand them. Lets try to figure out why they do what they do, because that’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. Remember…

“A great man shows his greatness, by the way he treats little man"

Give a healthy dose of appreciation

Do you know that there is only one way to get anyone to do anything, yes, only one way, and that is by making the other person want to do it. The only way I can get you to do something is by giving you what you want. “Every act you have ever performed since the day you were born,” said Andrew Carnegie “was performs because you wanted something.” Here are some of the motives most people will do to achieve.

1. Health and the preservation of life

2. Food

3. Sleep

4. Money and the things money will buy

5. Life in the hereafter

6. Sexual gratification

7. The well-being of our children

8. A feeling of importance

Almost all these wants are usually gratified. All except one. There is one longing, almost as deep, almost as imperious, as the desire for food or sleep, which is seldom gratified. It’s “the desire to be important.” The rare individual who honestly satisfies their heart hunger will hold people in the palm of his hand.

A story was told about how a lady got her ‘feeling of importance’. When she was in church, she and other housewives were told to go home and get their husbands to write out five things they wanted them to change. She went home told her husband the assignment and urge him to write something before she goes to church. The next morning, her husband looked at her and said he could not think of anything yet, but promise to give the assignment to her when she goes for her church service. In the church, a bouquet of flowers was sent to her, with a note ‘I couldn’t think of anything you need to change, I love you as you are. Your Husband’

One of the most neglected virtues of our daily existence is appreciation. In our interpersonal relationship, we should never forget that all our associates are human beings and hunger for appreciation. It is the legal tender that all souls enjoy. Lets cease thinking of our accomplishments, our wants. Let’s try to figure out the other person’s good points. Then forget flattery. Give honest, sincere appreciation.

Getting others to do something

Why talk about what you want? That is childish. Absurd. Of course you are interested in what you want. You are eternally interested in it. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you: we are interested in what we want. So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.

Tomorrow you may want to persuade someone to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: “How can I make this person want to do it?” That question will stop us from rushing into a situation heedlessly, with futile chatter about our desires.

Here is one of the best bits of advice ever given about the fine art of human relationships. “If there is any one secret of success,” said Henry Ford “it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.” That is so simple, so obvious, that anyone ought to see the truth of it at a glance. Yet 90% of the people on this earth ignore it 90% of the time.

The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage. He has little competition. People who can put themselves in the place of other people, who can understand the workings of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store for them.

Wherever you are, whatever you do, the ability to handle people is one of the most important skills. The better you are at handling people, the happier you will be with your life.