Is Your Marriage in Danger?

Many couples need guidance in identifying the specific problems they can tackle in improving their marriages or relationships.

You might feel that "something is wrong" or something hurts or doesn't feel right, but you can't exactly put your finger on it.

It can frequently be helpful to have something like a "danger signs" chart (like used in helping people diagnose cancer or other disorders). This kind of "chart" can help you pinpoint areas of pain or discomfort... and thus help know where to put your focus.

Also, you might wonder whether you should just "ignore it and it will go away..." and could use some help in identifying areas or "danger signs" that are really significant (and shouldn't just "be ignored").

These are not minor complaints! Any single one of them could end up being the source of profound discomfort, even leading to thoughts of divorce!

It's absolutely essential that you pay attention now and not later to these "danger signs." One of the biggest challenges (and most painful and sad experiences) I have had over my many years as a couples therapist is seeing good and wonderful people coming to therapy almost "too late," when they should have shown up years earlier.

Sometimes it literally is too late! Don't let this happen to you. Review this list and see how many you discover apply to you in your marriage. You might be surprised.

Use this Checklist to Find Out (I actually listed 12)

1. Even if you have "only" 3 of these areas, Your marriage definitely is in deep water and you are in serious trouble, headed for disaster, if you don't change things NOW)

2. You actually have started to dread coming home to your partner

3. You cringe when they talk to you because you predict it's always going to turn out painfully

4. There are so few things you can happily talk about by now that they could all fit in a thimble

5. The things you used to find appealing or charming about your spouse you now find irritating or even worse (even disgusting)

6. The things you used to do together that you thought were fun you either don't even do anymore or they really aren't fun anymore -- maybe it even hurts to do those things again

7. You feel your spouse doesn't even really like you anymore, or maybe even hates you

8. You are tempted to cheat, divorce, lie or misbehave in ways that you don't feel proud of and you just feel devastated it's come to this

9. You look at your spouse almost as an opponent or even an enemy when it comes to parenting, sex, finances or other important decisions.

10. You criticize or even humiliate your spouse (or they do to you) in public, with friends or at parties or get-togethers.

11. You develop a cynical, pessimistic attitude about whether anyone has a great marriage or if there is even such a thing or if other people have them; and look around you and see bad marriages (you have a filter against seeing the great ones)

12. You just have an empty dark, hollow feeling inside, not anything in particular, that your marriage is not what you expected in life; you are deep down, disappointed in marriage

What you hoped for, prayed for and dreamed about being married and being with your soulmate seems to have completely died.

How Many Of These Danger Signs Did You Check Off? 3 or more?

If you have discovered you can identify at least three of these "danger signs," your marriage either is or soon will be in serious trouble!

How do I know that? Because these are the things that people try to "blow off" and manage without addressing them... and that end up creating far more serious problems because of their cumulative power.

Remember, a whole mountain is eroded over time by wind and a trickle of water. Deep canyons are formed over the years by a continuous erosion. Your marriage has the same possibility of erosion if you don't address the core issues.

If So, I highly recommend that you get to work on your marriage!