Even in these enlightened days, it’s not considered polite dinner conversation to chat openly about the STD testing you may or may not be having. Even though it makes sense and every responsible, sexually active adult should be undergoing regular STD testing, it’s something that should perhaps only be shared with your nearest and dearest – and even then, perhaps only the nearest and dearest you’re having sex with!

So how can you ensure that you’re not embarrassed in the queue at the bakers by a neighbour enquiring about the results of your STD testing? Or avoid a cheery hail from a passing car full of your mates congratulating you on "being clean"? Here are a few tips we’ve come up with to keep this sensitive issue under wraps.

Tell your Mum

We can nearly hear you shrieking from here! "What do you mean, tell my Mum!" You think she’d be the last person you’d want knowing about your imminent STD testing, but actually there is a method to our madness. Once you confess what you’re doing to Mommy dearest, being old-school, she’s going to want to keep this secret so tightly under wraps it won’t be able to poke its nose out! She’ll make quite sure that the neighbours don’t get an inkling, or that the rest of the family don’t suspect a thing, that she’ll actually end up being a great ally. She’ll let you use her address, she’ll keep an eye out for that tell-nothing brown paper wrapper in the mail, and hey, if you’re lucky she may even pay for it. So, if you just can’t keep it to yourself and you have to tell someone – tell your Mum!

Go Online

Nowadays it’s easy to get safe, effective and convenient STD testing without even having to show your face in a clinic. There are many companies which offer STD testing for individual diseases or, if you want to be totally confident in your status, you can take a combined test which covers everything. While there should be no shame in being responsible about regular STD testing, it can still be a lot more comfortable to book and pay online and receive your tests in the mail.

Loose Lips Sink Ships

Of course, the only way you’ll be totally sure that no one finds out about your STD testing is to keep it to yourself (and your Mum if you decided to follow point number one above). That means no drunken admissions to your friends over a couple of beers and no cheeky one-liners on Twitter, text or Facebook. In short, our point is, a ‘secret’ is only a secret if you keep it to yourself; no ifs or buts. If you decide that you do want to keep your STD testing and the subsequent results confidential then do just that; if not, you’ll only have yourself to blame.

Or...Be Loud and Proud

The other option of course is to not keep your STD testing a secret at all. It is becoming less of a ‘dirty little secret’ and more the actions of a responsible adult. Anyone who is sexually active should be ensuring they are having safe sex and, if there is a chance that they may have contracted a disease, to have appropriate STD testing. The more people that come clean about getting tested the better; so why not be a pioneer for the cause and be loud and proud and let your secret run free!