If you are getting a divorce there are a lot of emotions involved. If you have children, who are going to have to deal with being raised in separate households, then they too are having a lot of different emotions. For whatever the reasons why you and your spouse are splitting up, the first thing to do is sit down and decide what to do about your children. Sometimes this is easy, but in many cases this part of your divorce can be the hardest thing to have to deal with, and depending on how old your kids are, it can be an easy transition, or a very difficult one.

Ideally, children should spend an equal amount of time with each parent. If your divorce is a 'clean' one, then this is simply a matter of sitting down and working out the details so both parents are satisfied with the results. Who will have them during the week, and on week ends, how the Summer Breaks, holidays, will be split up, and who will have the physical parental custody. If your kids are older, you may be able to sit with them and talk to them about how they feel.

One thing is for certain, if you and you ex can't decide on this between the two of you, then it has to be decided through the court, which can get very messy. If this is the case, you need to limit this to the courts, and not with your kids. It is hard enough for them to deal with the two of you splitting up without being pawns in a custody battle.

Whoever has the children for the weekend, there are certain steps you need to follow to help not only yourself, but your kids as well. For one, no matter how angry you are at your ex, you can't take it out on your children. No making derogatory remarks about the other parent, for starters. You need to keep these negative emotions in check, and concentrate on spending quality time with your kids. Making snide remarks, putting the other parent down, and using your children as weapons will only hurt you and them in the end.

This also means no fighting when picking up or dropping off the kids. Even if the other person wants to fight and argue with you, simple state there is a time and a place for this discussion, and leave it at that. Your children don't need to hear all the gruesome details. They are having enough problems dealing with being split up between the two of you. You also need to keep some record of every conversation you and your ex have, whether keeping a journal, or a recorded conversation. Putting a tape recorder down when you are having custody conversations can help to dampen harsh words considerably. Remember, no matter what conflict you have with your ex, this isn't about either of you being angry at your children.

Always think about what is in the best interests of your kids. While you may not always agree, they are more important at this point than you are. Keeping them out of the fight, not using them as tools against the other person, is the only way to prevent them from resenting both of you in the long run.