No couple begins a relationship with the intent of creating a broken home. In fact, most divorces build over time and may even come as a surprise to one or more of the people involved. If you have children, fighting for custody can be a particularly heartbreaking experience. A vindictive partner may seek to gain revenge through the negotiations surrounding custody. Even in calmer breakups, it can be extremely difficult to figure out what is best for the children. If you are involved in a partnership that is no longer working and there are children involved, you need to understand the current child custody laws.

The most important thing to realize is that child custody laws vary by state. While it's a good idea to get advice from family or friends that may have been through this in the past, they may be giving you information that is specific to a different area. Use it as a guideline, but always verify it based upon your own state's statutes. For example, you may have a friend that informs you that unmarried mothers have presumed custody if they have been the primary caretaker of a child. While that is true in some states, others give no such preference and court proceedings may be needed to establish paternity and designate the legal custodial parent for the child. In general, however, preference is often given to the mother, especially if she has had custody up to the point of the breakup. Even in these cases, this is a situation that only applies to unmarried partners; if you are legally divorcing, a court negotiation is almost always necessary, unless you and your spouse can come to an agreement on your own, with the court documenting the compromise.

There are three types of custody, but most situations will only revolve around two. Legal custody relates to the person who is responsible for making decisions in regard to the children. This person has the ability to determine medical care, religious upbringing and other major decisions. The physical custodian is the person with whom the children live most of the time. Both legal and physical custody can be shared, in which case the parents must cooperate. In some cases, control of the situation is given to one of the two parents. This happens when one of the parents is found to be dangerous or incompetent. It could also be the case when a spouse wants to divorce as peacefully as possible and gives up their rights for the sake of peace. The third type of custody is known as bird's nest custody. In this arrangement, the children remain in the family home, and the parents take turns caring for the kids, with separate living quarters for the off times. This type of custody takes a lot of cooperation, but is thought to be better for the stability of the children.

There is a lot to think about when you are considering dealing with child custody laws. The best thing to do is search for the specific statutes of your state. Getting the advice of a lawyer is also a good idea, as they can walk you through the nuances and help you develop a game plan if you have an uncooperative partner that is muddying the waters. Either way, you can study the laws and have a better understanding of what to expect when dealing with custody issues.