A reader wrote to me to say that she's been dating extensively, but she still hasn't met the right man yet. When people suggest she's too picky, she resents it.

But is she too picky? My experience has been that women tend not to be. Instead, they settle for guys who don't meet their expectations because it's "time" to get married, or because they're being pressured to wear a white dress by friends and family.

I remember a time when I was dating an attractive guy who treated me well. I got along with his family, and everyone assumed it was just a matter of time before we'd tie the knot. On a couple of occasions, though, I caught this boyfriend lying--not to me--but to other people in an attempt to make himself look bigger. It really turned me off.

I resisted breaking up with him, though, for stupid reasons: I liked knowing I'd have a date every weekend. I liked being part of a couple and going out with other couples. I had grown close to one of his sisters.

But the lying business bothered me. It was only a matter of time, I figured, before the guy started lying to me. A liar is a liar. His insecurity was a major liability, as well.

Finally, a friend took me to one side and asked, "Terry, can you really see yourself being happy being married to this guy 10 years from now?" And that was the clarifying moment for me: No, I could not imagine myself being happy with him.

If people tell you that you're being picky, ask yourself the question my friend asked me.

Another reader wrote to tell me that her boyfriend always ogles other women when they're out together. She's discussed the matter with him, but he persists. He says she's being "too sensitive."

Well, I don't think she is being too sensitive. If it were she who had the problem keeping her eyes to herself, I'm quite sure he'd object to it.

The bottom line is that people generally do not improve after you marry them. They're on their best behavior at the beginning of the relationship, and then their true qualities emerge. Can you live with a person who possesses those qualities?

If not, say goodbye. And don't let anyone tell you you're too picky. You're smarter than you know.