Change Your Child's Behavior With Positive Reinforcement

FamilyParenting

  • Author Destry Maycock
  • Published October 16, 2005
  • Word count 657

Think about your interactions with your children today. How

many things did you notice they did wrong? What did you do or

say to them because of their wrong doings? Have they engaged in

the same kind of behavior before? What did you do or say the

times before? Is it working? How many things did you notice

your children did right today? If you did take the time to

notice, what did you do or say to them? Did you praise or

reward them in some way? If so, then read no further and keep

up the good work. If you could use a little work on doing this,

then read on.

Let's face it. We parents often neglect to notice the positive

things our children do. Rather, we tend to focus on our

children's negative behaviors, because they either annoy us or

otherwise make our lives difficult. Have you ever heard the

phrase, "that which gets noticed gets repeated?" If all we ever

notice is the negative things our children do, then why would

they do anything different? It is as if we program our children

to believe "if I'm only noticed when I do something wrong, then

so be it."

It is just as important, if not more, to notice our children's

positive behaviors. Remember most behaviors are controlled by

their consequences. Some may believe rewarding kids for

positive behavior is bribery. We all receive rewards daily for

doing things well, at work, at home, and at play. These rewards

often motivate us to continue the behaviors for which they were

received. Where parents use rewards ineffectively is when they

give a positive consequence to stop an inappropriate behavior.

For example, "I'll give you a cookie if you stop whining." This

only encourages the inappropriate behavior. Where as rewarding

kids for their positive behaviors is quite the opposite and

much more productive.

Using positive reinforcement to strengthen a desired behavior

is easy. Just watch and wait for the behavior to occur then

reinforce it with praise, a pat on the back or a special

privilege. It may go something like this, "David, I really

appreciate how you came in the house when I asked and you even

did it without a big hassle. You should feel good about being

able to do that." How about, "Wow Jamie, your bedroom looks

awesome. You must have worked really hard on it. I bet you

worked up a healthy appetite. Why don't you decide what we have

for lunch today."

Focusing on your children's positive behaviors could be the

most productive parenting change you make if you don't already

do it. Chances are you have been trained like the rest of us to

only call attention to the bad things your kids do. This

phenomenon isn't found solely in the parent/child relationship.

It is also prevalent in spousal, sibling and employee/employer

relationships. When was the last time your boss called you into

his office and asked you to shut the door? Was it because he

just wanted to tell you what a wonderful job you are doing and

how valuable of an employee you are? If so, lucky you. More

than likely, it was because he wanted to talk to you about

something he thought you could do better or you were doing

something wrong. People tend to take positive behavior for

granted and punish negative behaviors.

Some parents find it helpful to make a note and put it where

they can see it often. The note might read, "notice the

positive" or "catch'em doing good." You may also want to

consider using a jar of consequences, a parenting tool that

parents can use to help them focus on and reinforce the

positive behaviors their children exhibit.

Catch your kids being good. It could have a profound affect on

the atmosphere in your home. Whatever it takes I assure you it

will be worth it.

Destry Maycock, MSW has had over eleven years

experience working with children and families as a professional

social worker. Destry has helped hundreds of parents solve a

variety of parenting challenges and strengthen their

relationships with their children. Destry enjoys developing

tools that help parents with the difficult but rewarding duty

of raising children. His most recent creations can be found at

http://www.parentingstore.com

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