Not Your Mother's Bridal Shower
Social Issues → Women's Issues
- Author Melissa Bellemare
- Published July 27, 2007
- Word count 1,041
If you love
to attend bridal showers, can’t wait to see what funny little games you’ll
play, and are anxious to receive your cute, crafty favor, then you may not
enjoy this article or the recent trends in these events. Some women enjoy the
traditional bridal shower, but many do not and find themselves going through
the motions because it is what their mothers did. If you find yourself in this
category, you should take comfort in knowing that you are not alone. Many brides-to-be
question tradition, but how was the tradition first established, and do the
reasons to have a traditional bridal shower still hold true today?
The tradition, itself, was derived from an old legend where a
beautiful, young, woman from an affluent family decided to go against her
family’s wishes and marry her true love, who happened to be very poor. The
bride’s father was furious with rage that his daughter would choose to marry a lowly
peasant. He told her that if she continued her rebellious behavior and married
this man, she would receive no dowry, he would cut her off from the family
fortune, and she would be forced to live a poor life. Feeling sorry for the
couple, their friends got together and gave them items they would need to set
up their home. They chose a day, surprised the couple, and “showered” them
with gifts.
The tradition continued as newly wed couples left their parent’s houses to start a home of their own, having nothing but their clothing
to bring to the marriage. Most of us have been guests at “Kitchen and Bathroom
Showers”, where the couple receives pots, pans, towels and the like, but in
this day and age, are traditional showers really necessary? Times have
changed. The US Census stated that in the year 2000, there were approximately
10 million unmarried couples living together, a tenfold increase from 1996.
Cohabitation is becoming more common, and while traditional conservatives believe
that a couple should never live together until after marriage, more and more
Americans are choosing to do so.
Why, then, are couples registering for kitchen and bathroom items when they have already lived together for X amount of time and possess a
lot of these items? The answer: tradition; their mothers did it, and their
grandmothers did it. Some couples see this as an opportunity to “trade up” for
nicer kitchenware or to finally get that expensive china they’ve been eyeing.
Practical couples feel pressured by retailers to place more items on their
registry that they really don’t need. Guests feel pressured to purchase
something from the registry rather than give a gift not itemized on the
couple’s want-list.
How, then, is it possible to blend traditional ideals with the contemporary realities of life? Let’s compare traditional norms to what
some brides today are doing to break the mold.
Who is supposed to throw the bridal shower?
Traditional View: The Maid of Honor
Contemporary view: Because bridal showers can get
expensive, and often the financial burden can be overwhelming for the Maid of
Honor, alone, the mother of the bride, the mother of the groom, and the
bridesmaids are pitching in to help out. Whether it’s taking charge of the
RSVP’s or making the favors, it is far more common for the bridal shower to be
the result of a group effort.
Where is the bridal shower held?
Traditional view: The home of the Maid of Honor or
the mother of the bride (which would have also been the bride’s home at the
time).
Contemporary view: It is becoming more popular to
have showers in halls or even in local restaurants. This gives today’s
contemporary, professional women less to worry about in organizing the event.
Having the shower at a hall or restaurant means that you don’t need to spend
the day before the shower vacuuming and dusting your home, nor spend the day
after washing dishes and doing post-party clean up.
When to schedule the bridal shower?
Traditional view: Anywhere from 6 weeks to 2 weeks
before the wedding date.
Contemporary view: The timetable is pretty much the same, but is far more dependent on when relatives and friends from far away can
make it. It is not uncommon for showers to be held a couple of days before the
wedding when all the guests are in town.
What to give as gifts at the bridal shower?
Traditional view: Kitchen and bathroom items chosen from the couple’s registry list.
Contemporary view: Many brides are breaking away
from the “Kitchen and Bathroom Shower” and are becoming creative with shower themes. For example, a couple who had lived together for a while and had kitchenware decided to throw a garden themed shower. They had
wanted to do some landscaping improvements for a while and with gifts like
seeds, pots, and gardening and yard tools, their backyard was soon worthy of a
barbeque! The couple also enjoyed the “together time” working on their yard. Another
cohabitating couple that just turned their basement into a game room and sports
pub decided to throw a stock the bar shower, where guests, both men and
women, were invited and brought bottles of wine and liquor to fill the couple’s
new not-so-mini bar. Other couple’s decide to dump the theme idea altogether,
and have a co-ed party with all their family and friends (kind of a small,
casual party before the big, formal party). Whatever you decide, remember to
make your guest as comfortable as possible, especially those older folks who
won’t understand why you “couldn’t just have a ‘regular’ shower”.
Whether you are a traditionalist or a more modern bride, whether you are living with your husband-to-be or you are waiting to move in
together until after marriage, remember that a bridal shower can be fun. The
reasons to hold a shower may have changed, but the tradition of holding a get
together to honor the bride/couple before their marriage is strong. Whether
you would prefer a co-ed party to a girls-only shower or not, let others know
your wishes, so you are sure to have an enjoyable time filled with memories.
TheHappyPair.com is a FREE wedding planning website that offers brides and grooms access to resources needed to plan their weddings. At www.TheHappyPair.com, you'll find seating chart organizers, task planners, access to local vendors, shopping links, answers to legal questions, articles on relationships and wedding planning, and much more! Check us out today and remember: we're FREE!
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