My good friend had an uncanny knack for getting what she wanted. Whether she was in the market for a particular pair of shoes or a certain kind of man, she scored every time.

When she decided she wanted to get married, she wrote a detailed list of the qualities she expected in a husband (I did the same thing, but the qualities I chose were different from hers). She wanted a man who:

Owned his own house

Possessed a college degree

Made xx dollars per year

Had to be willing to have at least four children

On top of that, he would buy her an engagement ring of a minimum of two carats with a Marquis cut, set in yellow gold with platinum prongs.

She also listed another goal. She wanted to achieve a 22-inch waistline-- so she could stick it to the daughter of her mother's best friend, a girl she had been compared to all her life, when she walked down the aisle on her wedding day.

The upshot?

She did look smashing in her wedding dress, she did get the ring, the house, the children, the salary--all of it. What she also got was a man who works most of the time. When he isn't working, he does not help her with the children, two of whom suffer from developmental delays. He is insulting, belittling, and unkind. He calls her fat and ugly. Social Services appeared at their home after their daughter reported a "domestic dispute" to her teacher.

Hey, but at least she still has the ring.

While it's fundamentally important to know what you want in a man (it makes it so much easier to recognize the right one when he shows up, and it also increases the chances that he will show up), it's critical to choose qualities that go deeper than "owns his own house."

When I drew up my own list, I decided the man I'd marry had to be:

Faithful

Loving

Reliable

Successful

Fun

And those qualities sum up the guy I married (after years of dating losers, schmoozers, and No-Show Joes).

You, too, deserve to spend your life with a man who loves you, supports your dreams, and makes your happiness a priority. Choose wisely.