There are several so-called experts who say if you spank your child you will cause them to have self-esteem issues. But as a child who was reared getting my backside tanned, I must beg to differ. When we decided to implement this form of discipline with our son, Jordan, we’ve always wanted to make sure that he understood WHY he was being spanked.

In fact, we call spankings "love sessions" at our house because we want our son to always know that we love him. As he’s gotten older, we’ve gotten more creative in our "love sessions". Around the third grade, when he was old enough to read and understand simple questions and answer them intelligibly, we implemented "The Love Session Questionnaire". This has definitely helped with the WHY for him. Here is our personal example, along with our son’s answers (in italics).

He was nine years old the first time we did this exercise with him. We made these questions up to suit our particular need. Feel free to do the same. This is merely a guideline that you can use for your child that will better help them understand WHY they are being disciplined, and we believe it will also help you feel less guilty, if that’s a problem you have, when the need arises for a "love session" of your own.

Dear Jordan, it has come to our attention you have gotten a negative mark in your journal after it was explained to you on several occasions that this was unacceptable. You were told that the next time you got a negative mark in your journal, you would get a spanking. Please understand that as your parents, we take NO pleasure in punishing you in this way. We love you so much that we refuse to allow you to continue to get in trouble at school because your education is important in helping you develop into the young man we are raising you to become.

Please complete the thirteen questions we have created for you. Take your time and answer each question after you’ve thought about what it is asking you. Before you begin, pray to the Lord to give you courage and strength to do the right things in life always. And ask Him to forgive you for misbehaving and He will because He ALWAYS loves you, just as we do.

When you complete this assignment, bring it to us so we can go over it together. Then, we will have our "Love Session." Love always, Mom and Dad

1.) What could you have done today that would have been better than what you did to solve your problem? Told my teacher

2.) Were you told that if you got another mark in your journal that you would get a spanking if you got another? Yes

3.) Do you believe it’s fair that you get a spanking and privileges taken from you for your behavior at school? Why or why not? Yes because I was acting foolishly.

4.) What will you do differently in the future, if a situation like today arises? Ignore it or tell the teacher

5.) Do you believe that Daddy and I love you and want the absolute best for you? Yes

6.) Is it fair to say that your parents have given you several opportunities to prove that you know how to behave at school? Yes

7.) Do you believe God loves you and wants you to not only behave at home and school, but everywhere else as well? Yes.

8.) What can Daddy and I do to better help you with doing the right thing when issues like these happen at school? Please explain. Keep me from playing outside or watching TV

9.) At the end of the school year, how would you like your teacher to describe you? As a good person

10.) Do you feel like you’ve learned a lesson from this experience? Yes

11.) Explain what you have learned or not learned from this experience. Not to let anyone get me in trouble because it’s not worth it

12.) Did you find this questionnaire helpful? Explain your answer. Yes because it challenges me to express my feelings

13.) Will you be getting any more marks (bad ones) in your journal? (NO is the only acceptable answer).

Not bad for a nine year old kid. After reviewing this with him, we gave him ten licks on his hind part, hugged his tears away, and told him we loved him, as we always do afterwards. And you know what? He never got another bad mark in his journal, either!

So, it’s not about punishment. It’s about loving your child. In the end, the question isn’t about whether you should spank or not spank your child. The question is how do you do it?

Is it marked with angry words and punishment? Or, is it marked with love and care, and then executed with an understanding that the best interest of your child is what’s at stake? I don’t think anyone could look at our "Love Session Questionnaire" and say it was cruel and full of hate.

We know our son is better because of it…and your child will be, too! So, develop your "love session" with your kids, today. Both society and your kids will thank you 20 years from now! God bless.