So, there is an adulterer and a lover. The lover is painstakingly selected with the parameters that they are accessible, clean and discrete. But, is the lover faithful to the adulterer? Are there signs he is cheating on the adulterer?

Since they are not bound together like the adulterer is with their husband or long-time boyfriend, can they trust that the lover is really that into them? As an adulterer, truthfully, they are in a relationship with the lover.

Let's get into the mind of the adulterer. They haven't left the primary relationship. Usually out of fear and insecurity. They fear of being alone, not having enough money to sustain themselves and, maybe, children. Ironically, they don't really want to hurt the spouse. They don't think the other person can handle a break up. Since the potential adulterer is so miserable in the relationship, their rationalizations aren't quite thorough.

So, in walks Mr. Convenient. This guy is a co-worker or a friend of a friend. They are single. They are STD free and they don't even have to be attractive, just interested. Flirtations ensue, emails are exchanged and several intimate, albeit not physical, get togethers are arranged.

The adulterer is on cloud nine. They haven't been this happy in a long time. Their guard is let down and they allow themselves to get involved with the lover. The lover is happy for attention and a little tail without the protocol of dating. This could last for months just like this. Brief, infrequent episodes of laughter, sex and bonding.

But times turns novelty into ordinary. The lover would like to be around someone that is "more" available, but doesn't tell the adulterer. It might hurt her feelings. So, the lover pursues their own partner. It is easy. The adulterer doesn't have much time to spend with the lover, so he's free to do many things on his own time. Questions aren't asked. There aren't culturally established set of rules governing an affair. This territory is the Wild West of relationships.

Signs

During the few precious unannounced times the adulterer is available to meet, the lover is absent. Usually, the affair has become the adulterer's main form of escape. When that escape is taken away, the adulterer is doubly consumed in the affair with one, not getting access to it and two, being unable to get a truthful answer from the lover about the absence.

The lover complains that they are lonely. A subtle way to get sympathy from the adulterer when they finally reveal that they are seeing someone else. They'll argue that they should have known.

The sex becomes mechanical. Once it was passionate and fun. Then it becomes mandatory. Step one, step two, step three. Okay, your turn. Okay, my turn.

All interactions become forced and the lover isn't as forthcoming about his thoughts and dreams as they were at the beginning of the affair. The lover appears cold and distant, similar to the adulterer's spouse.

Granted, there aren't many people sympathetic to adulterers. They've made bad choices and let fear control their actions. When one is backed into a corner of sadness and hopelessness, not everyone is strong and clear-headed.

Those readers who know of people in affairs, ask them what they really want. They'll usually tell you that they want to be loved. Help them get over their fear of being alone or of hurting the other partner. Most affairs end poorly only sending the adulterer into a deeper level of hopelessness. Please don't judge the adulterer.