Create Your Own Standards and Means of Measurement

(You are not inferior; You are not Superior; You are simply You

American culture has become obsessed with competition. People struggle to get the things their friends have, and then to get more things to get ahead of their friends. This is commonly called Keeping up with the Joneses. This phenomena has become such a problem that the average American owes thousands of dollars on credit card debt, works as many hours as possible to pay for the items they dont need too large of a house, too expensive automobile, expensive vacations, etc and in some cases, works two jobs. Our children are now becoming affected by this mindset. They want the newest cell phone, video game system, IPod, and clothes and parents are breaking their backs to give them these things.

I have spoken to parents who have brought their child to me for help with his laziness and it did not take long to see what the problem was. This 8 year old boy, Kevin, had the following toys:

Nintendo Game System

Nintendo DS Game System

Nintendo Game Boy

Playstation Game System

Playstation 2 Game System

Xbox Game System

Just in case you dont see the problem here, let me show you several things.

1 Kevin did not play with any of the video games any longer because they were too old. 1 to 3 months was considered old.

2 - Kevin was not receiving all on his report card. In fact, he was not on the honor roll.

3 " Kevin did not have any chores or responsibilities as a family member.

4 Kevin did not have to pay for any part of the game systems, games, or accessories.

I hope red lights and sirens are going off in your head by now. Giving a child everything they want and not making them responsible or accountable for anything is a recipe for disaster.

Why was Kevin so lazy Why Not? He was given anything he wanted. In other parts of the world he would be titled KING.

So how do you prevent a KING from taking over your house? Easy, create your own standards and means of measurement. When you do this, you are teaching your child what values to respect and which character traits are important. Instead of trying to keep up with the Joneses, be happy for them and their nice things. Then look at your own list of important items and score yourself on that.

There are several issues with comparing your child to others:

First, the playing field is generally uneven. If your child sits down at the piano for the first time, there is no way in the world that they are going to play as well as another child who has taken hundreds of lessons and performed in dozens of concerts. But parents have this tendency to feel that their child should be as good as another child without learning the entire situation.

Second, your child wont be great at everything. Looking at the piano example again, there are 3 possible outcomes:

1. The child practices and becomes child #2 and enjoys great success

2. The child learns to play and enjoys playing for the sake of playing

3. The child hates the piano or never develops an interest in it

So which of the three outcomes it best? They all are equal! The child is not a better child because they can play the piano. The child who becomes a professional is not superior to the child who only plays for fun. The child who never develops an interest is not inferior to the other two children. Your child is simply your child.

Third, the focus tends to be on the negative. Parents try to use sentences like,

Why cant you play the piano like John does? He is great!

Why cant you hit the ball like Cameron? He knocks it out of the park.

Why cant you get As like Jennifer? She is very smart.

Focusing on the negative creates problems that we will discuss further in the next article.