Common Marriage Problems: Jealousy

Jealousy in marriage is destructive, a real relationship killer and one of those common marriage problems that needs to be resolved.

In you let feelings of jealousy develop and escalate the mind will run wild, imagine the enemy around every corner, question everything your partner thinks, says and does. In worst case scenarios, unresolved and unchecked jealousy has developed beyond the end of a relationship, into a long-term vendetta and in extreme cases extended to the loss of life.

As much as we would like to deny it, most people struggle with jealous emotions at some point in their lives and, in marriage, it is a one of those common marriage problems that can develop from feelings of insecurity or neglect.

We now live in a society where marriages are often as a result of a second, a fifth or any number of relationships and are, in many cases, second or subsequent marriages. This is just society as we now know it but it can leave spouses insecure, especially when a previous partner is still around, and particularly in the case when children are involved.

People can enter into marriages with so much previous baggage that it often hard to settle into a secure, trusting environment full of self worth and self-belief.

Marital jealousy develops from numerous situations and no matter how much you try and tell yourself there is no need for concern your mind just doesn't listen and all the while your partner continues with the behavior that is instilling the feeling of insecurity throughout your very soul.

• Some people are natural flirts who draw the opposite sex like magnets, which, once the ring is on the finger, leaves partners totally insecure and just waiting for the moment when they are dumped for the next person that comes along. The partner who flirts often has no idea what impact their actions have on their relationship. They don't actually believe that they are doing anything wrongs but perceive their actions to be friendly and not harmful.

• No one could ever be accused of being unnecessarily jealous in the case of infidelity beyond which, if the marriage survives (and in many instances they do), strong measures need to be put in place to enable the cheated partner come to trust their partner again and control the feeling of jealousy.

• Following the break up of a marriage children need to feel that the split isn't as a result of anything that they have done. This leaves parents over protective, desperate to make amends for one parent environment and often at the expense of new relationships.

• Another of the common marriage problems is that husbands feel neglected when a new baby arrives no matter how much they wanted the child in the first place. A baby's mere existence is totally life changing with more attention towards the child and a complete 'nose dive' in marital relations. With the bond between mother and child being that much closer it can leave fathers feeling neglected, unwanted and a total spare part.

With friends of mine the jealousy actually worked the other way with the wife feeling totally trapped after the birth of their first child and her husband spending all his time looking after the baby. She just yearned for the life they had prior to children when they enjoyed a good social life and spent all their free time together.

• Too much time at work can leave your partner feeling very insecure, especially when your hours at work increase and you spend less and less time at home for the sake of your family but if we think about it is it really for the sake of the family...

People get fixated on their goals and have no concept on how this is perceived or how it impacts on their relationship and their family life.

Without the 100% backing of both parties, long hours and continuous travel can prove to be a real relationship killer and, if left unchecked, one of those common marriage problems from which there is no return.

The list is endless and jealousy in and of itself is not a bad thing, it's strong indication that you really care. The main thing we need to remember is not to let the jealousy consume, arouse fury and become destructive.

If you are suffering from feelings of jealousy look at the cause, question your feelings and determine whether they have any foundation. Is your partner actually doing anything wrong, have they really done anything to drive your jealous emotions or have you just let your emotions spiral out of control.

If the fault is on your side, learning to recognize the fact is the first step towards controlling such an emotional and destructive thought process. It allows you to discuss your fears with your partner, explain how you feel and seek there help in enabling you to over come your jealous emotions, strengthen your marriage and build a more solid foundation for the future.

Communication is the foundation to marital success. If you can learn to communicate then you can express your emotions in a non-confrontational, non-accusatory, understanding and supportive environment.

Don't just blurt your fears out such as 'I think you are having an affair' it might not be true and it will just add fuel to the fire. Explain that something seems to have changed in your relationship, explain what has changed and what makes you think your marriage is different, don't blame, don't get emotional just explain to your spouse what is going through your head and seek their help in trying to sort it out.

One of the most common marriage problems is expecting our partners to always know what we want and how we feel. But even with a ring on our finger we aren't always mind readers, if we haven't communicated our feelings and our partner doesn't know they have, in our eyes, done something wrong, how do we expect them to do anything about it!

Tell them now, save your marriage before its too late. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose. Even if the answer isn't what you want to hear knowledge is power and with knowledge comes the ability to turn your life around.