Last month The Tooth published its findings from a survey that aimed to discover what it is that women want from a man. Now it’s time for the blokes to dish the dirt and tell the fairer sex what we really look for. Yes, of course, it’s common knowledge that we all love blow jobs and no, despite what you’ve see on Road Trip, a finger up the bum will not make us instantly munk. This report aims to go beyond the stereotypes and give a better insight into what we are really after.

First impressions

As we did with the girls’ survey, let’s set the scene. You’re in a bar with a group of your girl mates; Chardonnay on tap. Now, how do you catch the eyes of that group of hunky men lurking by the bar, watching the rugby?

First off, it’s worth mentioning that to gain the most attention you should be in a large group of girls – the bigger the better. This is due to the ‘cheerleader effect’ – the theory that a group of girls will instantly become more attractive due to the sheer amount of hair flicking, boobs, legs and bums all in one place at the same time. Men instantly see this and think: "Orgy!"

And yes, we are wearing Lynx Africa so, in less than five minutes, this large group of girls will chase us out of the pub, across a desert island and suddenly death by sex seems a fairly appealing and realistic outcome. But seriously, groups of girls gain our attention and seem more attractive.

Drink

Within your group you will be onto an absolute winner if you’re supping a chilled glass of Sauvingon Blanc (30%) or Sex on the Beach cocktail (18%) – the two most popular drinks. However, those of you with a more liberal attitude towards the sauce can ditch the glass and glug straight out of the bottle – Bridget Jones style – to have 7.5% of men wanting to instantly jump into bed with you.

Figure

I’m not going to dwell on figure too long as slim/medium/curvy were split pretty evenly. But, with the festive period in full swing, don’t worry too much about that naughty moment on the lips going to the hips, as one in 10 men love the fuller figure (Vanessa Feltz) or larger lady (Dawn French). Hello Mr. Quality street, come here you naughty naughty man…

The Date

If you’re on a date, he’s already keen. You must have something about you, as let’s face it – any half decent bloke will spot the bill – we’re not going to blow 50 quid on any old trout.

Men panic about dates just as must as women do and, remember, the pressure is on us. We’re supposed to lead the entire evening, create the chat, make you laugh, be charming, cheeky, polite but flirty – it’s a tricky balance. However, if you find your man’s chat is drying up like Ghandi’s flip flop, your best bet is to get him going with some holiday anecdotes, tales of friends in common and childhood antics.

What not to do

Everyone these days has a Blackberry or iPhone, so we don’t want to see it out on the table. ‘Playing with phone’ blew all other no-goes on a date out of the water, with a massive 77% of us men hating it, so keep it with your copy of Glamour, lip stick, make up and the six-pack of condoms (you are saving for later). Whilst on the topic of make up, the other huge turn off for men is too much of it (63%). There’s no need for loads of slap, keep it simple and to a minimum – we want to see the real you.

The Menu

For men, what to order is never an issue ("rare steak please waiter"). This is a little hypocritical of us as 98% of us pay attention and make judgments on what you order. Your two safe bets are pasta (28%) and steak (23%). Men don’t like to admit it, but we secretly want our partners to be like little female versions of us. Due to this, steer clear of the salads. Only 4% of the men surveyed wanted their women to be tucking into some sort of dubious low fat Salade Niçoise; in fact you’d be better off with a pie (9%) or burger (12%). So girls, get stuck in, don’t hold back and take on that 12oz sirloin and we’ll be hotter than a dollop of English mustard.

Read on for what men want in the bedroom.