Relationship Advice in an Online World

Social IssuesRelationship

  • Author Megan Clayton
  • Published March 10, 2011
  • Word count 693

Most of us are guilty of looking up an old flame on Facebook and having a good old nosey at their new life without us. But at what point does common curiosity turn into plain old cheating? Couples should seek relationship advice if they think that it has come to the point when Facebook activity has resulted in issues within the relationship.

Facebook can be a great way of reconnecting with old friends and keeping in touch with those who have moved away, but it can also pose a risk to your relationship if you let the past interfere with your present.

It’s wise to think carefully before you accept or add an ex-lover on Facebook. It is interesting to see what they’re doing now; you may even want to share some old memories with one another. But getting nostalgic often leaves us thinking about all the positive feelings we once had for someone and rarely any of the negatives. By exploring old memories and emotions you could risk misinterpreting your real feelings for both your ex and your current partner. And what’s simply nostalgia to one person can be mistaken for love interest by another.

"I started to get suspicious when I noticed my girlfriend had added her ex on Facebook. She insisted it was innocent; they were just old friends keeping in touch. But then he started emailing her, texting her, calling her... and it soon became clear he just wanted to get back together." - Simon, Hertford.

To avoid any potential Facebook fall outs (or full on cyber warfare), sit down with your partner and work out what you are both comfortable with, and which activities might cause issues with the relationship. Most couples will find it helpful to set some boundaries for their time on Facebook. You might discover you are both happier if old flames are off-limits on Facebook, but perhaps simply telling each other about any new Facebook friends you have added will be enough to maintain trust in the relationship.

Facebook can be addictive and the advent of the iPhone has meant some users find it difficult to log out. Many couples now set aside some Facebook-free time, during dinner times and date nights, so no one feels neglected in favour of the news feed.

"Every time I look round my husband has got Facebook up on his phone. I get that it keeps him entertained while we’re in the supermarket or on the bus, but when he’s still on it while we’re sitting in a restaurant waiting for our food to arrive it really, really infuriates me." – Louisa, Cheshire.

When one partner spends too much time on Facebook it can arouse suspicions and jealousy from within their other half; it’s easy to wonder just whose profile they’re scrolling through or why they cannot seem to turn the chat function off. But don not let your imagination run away with you. Talk to your partner and ask them to include you more in their online life – it need not take place in a secret world you know nothing about; often sharing a funny status update is enough to make a partner feel included.

Likewise, if your other half has become jealous or suspicious of your Facebook activity, why not try these three simple steps to make your relationship Facebook-friendly?

  1. List your relationship or marriage on your profile. Not only will this help avoid any awkward flirtations that may arise if a Facebook friend thinks that you are single, this public celebration of your relationship will help reassure your partner of your real motives for being on Facebook.

  2. Share photos and updates of you and your partner. This shows both them and the rest of Facebook that they’re very much a part of your world both off- and on-line.

  3. Make them feel valued away from the computer. Research shows that high self-esteem and a sense of worth helps keep jealousy at manageable levels, so pay your partner a compliment and remember to thank them for all the things they do that make your day a little bit brighter.

Thecoupleconnection.net provides online relationship advice and support. Their new interactive baby game "Baby Clues" allows parents to learn more about communicating with their small baby.

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