by Maureen Thomson of Lyssabeth's Wedding Officiants

I knew that title would get you. Doesn't "strategic urination" sound like the plan the bride has to put into place in order to go the bathroom while wearing 50 yards of white meringue?

But no, that’s not it. Strategic urination is the strategy to adopt in planning a wedding. I see so many stressed out brides who are at their wits' end trying to please anybody and everybody (including their wedding vendors, who oddly enough are supposed to be there to alleviate stress!). Then there are the brides who adopt the "it's my wedding; I'll do whatever I please and everyone else be damned." Also not helpful.

But think about it. How would your wedding planning look if you employed strategic urination? If you took into account the opinions and feelings of a select group of folks and everyone else received a beatific "thanks for sharing" smile? What if you metaphorically urinated on meddling Aunt Margaret who has an opinion about everything from boutonnieres to pew bows? She'd get her feathers ruffled, but let's face it--she might actually butt out if she...errrr...was told to piss off. And before we go any further: it's a metaphor, people--don't send your poodle over to Auntie with his leg raised!

Or what about those glossy wedding magazines that insinuate that you are inferior if you don't spend a minimum of $30,000 and have the absolute best of the best in everything from your dress to 250 of those cute little personalized wedding favors? If those standards are stressing you out--and/or that is just not the kind of wedding you envision, then maybe those magazine pages might be put to better use in the outhouse.

Or the girlfriend who declares you must have a bachelorette party complete with stripper; the caterer who says that anybody who is anybody serves both dessert and wedding cake; the best man who insists that his tux doesn't have to coordinate with the rest of the bridal party (he has his own and it's close enough); the future MIL who is nonplussed that you want a small intimate ceremony and her BFF isn't invited; the officiant who maintains that his pre-marital counseling classes are mandatory before he will marry you; Uncle Marvin (oddly enough married to Aunt Margaret) who says he'll save you the cost of an expensive photographer by taking all of your wedding photos with his point and shoot; the florist who insists that mothers and grandmothers must wear corsages; Cousin Mindy (daughter of Marvin and Margaret) who is offended because you didn't consider her darling 5 year old daughter, Miranda to be flower girl, etc., etc.

I'm not saying any of the above situations wouldn't be perfect for some brides and that darling Miranda wouldn't look absolutely adorable in a miniature bride's dress as she strews rose petals in your wake. But if they're not right for you, then you have my permission (not that you need it--you can implement strategic urination here as well; I won't take it personally) to realize that they are not your "target audience". It's all good; business owners do it all the time and survive (even thrive) to tell the tale.

Bear in mind, as stated above, you don't want to polarize the people who matter to you the most. And only you can dictate who that is (although I must point out here that I hope that your fiancé is one of them). Don't go into wedding planning with a "damn the torpedoes" attitude or--as my mother used to say with a significant look in my direction when my brother started to tease me--"somebody is going to end up crying."

But when you think about it, there are people and groups that you deliberately want to "piss off". If you are opting to make all of your bouquets yourself out of silk flowers from Hobby Lobby and you're convinced the effect will be stunning, then don't approach a professional florist with a sample of such looking for advice. You will not like what you hear. If it works for you, that's all that matters. If you are opting for a destination wedding and there's only room in the budget for 20 guests, then it really doesn't matter what your boss or your third cousin thinks. As a matter of fact, the earlier in the process that you "piss them off" and politely but firmly indicate that your wedding is to be "immediate family only" the sooner they will get out of your face with their thoughts.

Look at it this way. The fact that so many people have opinions at least means that you're doing something worth talking about. That's not bad--at least you're not being ignored!

Determine who and what matters. Figure out who "speaks your language" and then rally the troops. The rest? Well, they can be politely told (either in reality or in your head, depending on the severity of their intrusiveness) to take a hike.