Question: Have you ever requested help to save your relationship? This request has been made of family and friends many times by individuals who have had their hearts broken. Knowing when to let go of those emotional stings that bind you and your significant other is not easy. There will be moments when letting go is like releasing a balloon into the air, freeing and unpredictable. And then the tide turns and all you can think about is how wonderful things used to be, all the while those emotional strings are weaving themselves around your heart like a vice. Your thoughts become flooded with the idea of restoring those emotional bonds once more. Situations like this can not only be emotionally draining, but can even manifest themselves in physical symptoms as well. All of this requires a level head and a lot of mature thinking.

The best remedy for heart brake is to sit back and do a hard internal analysis of your relationship to figure out the root cause of the problem. This is by far the hardest part, as you will need to be brutally honest with yourself if you are to learn anything from this that will allow you to move forward. You can lie to everyone, but yourself and if you don’t learn from your mistakes, then you are destined to repeat them in your next relationship. Once you have identified what you believe to be your part in this situation, take the necessary steps to make sure you don’t fall into that same old destructive behavior. Here are some helpful tips and suggestions on how you can move forward towards a possible reconciliation.

Again, you must be brutally honest with yourself when you examine your relationship, otherwise what’s the point. Ask yourself, if your partner agrees to a reconciliation, are you capable of being a positive force? Can you identify what went wrong the last time and what your part was? Were you a destructive individual with negative tendencies that hindered the relationship? Were there things you could have done differently? Better, perhaps? Since a relationship consists of two people, do you think your partner is also ready and willing to put some time and energy into saving your relationship? If the feeling is mutual, you have a good chance of fixing any problems and in the process, strengthening your relationship.

After your deep internal deconstruction of your relationship, you should have been able to identify the problem or problems that strained it in the first place and hopefully have accepted your part in it as well. Learning and accepting your part in any situation is a clear sign of mature thinking. The time has come for you to attempt to speak with your partner about the insights you have leaned and how you intend to change. Talk calmly, openly and honestly. Express your feelings and concerns but listen closely to what your partner has to say. God gave us one mouth and two ears, so use them. Having good listening skills is critical to the success of any reconciliation. You must be willing to listen openly and stop from making any emotional outbursts. The last thing you want is to point fingers and be accusatory. If your partner tells you something you don’t want to hear, do your best to stay calm, cool and collected. Never let them see you sweat! It might be difficult to hear and to accept your partner’s point of view on the state of your relationship, but if you truly want to get back together then the air must be cleared. Saving a relationship won’t happen overnight. So, give it time.

Like God, love works in mysterious ways and problems are a natural part of any relationship. The strength to endure the challenges will bring you both closer together. Remember, laughter and tears often form the strongest bonds in any relationship so have fun and be there for each other. No one knows what the future holds, but only time will tell if the two of you are destined to walk down the aisle together.