I know you've dealt with a similar situation before. He didn't quite remember to take out the trash like you asked him to, or perhaps he left the toilet seat up again even when you have expressed to him how much you hate when he does that. You've really let him upset you this time. "I hate you," you yell! "You never do anything that I tell you to do! If you really cared for me, you wouldn't just ignore everything I say all of the time." Is that really the case, though?

Two people in a relationship, no matter how compatible they are, will argue from time to time. Disagreements are quite natural, and can possibly lead to growth in the relationship as long as the disagreements are resolved to each partner's satisfaction. The problem, however, is that most often, one partner chooses to settle even against his or her wishes, and one or both of them never feels as though his or her needs or opinions were respected or heard.

So, what are arguments usually all about, exactly? Regardless of the actual circumstances surrounding the altercation, the actual cause is generally always derived from you feeling like your needs are not being taken seriously by your significant other. See, when you think about it, most everyone has specific ideas about how they want to be treated by others around them, especially by people that "really" care for. When one of these rules has been broken, they want to be reassured that the offending partner realizes that what they did was not acceptable, and that's what the altercation was really all about.

The concept of predetermined rules can be hidden from view, particularly in relatively new relationships. In the first days, you know very little about them, therefore you don't know what your new partner's rules are. If you happen to break one of their rules, then you might not even realize it simply because it's purposely overlooked in order to maintain a good impression.

Now, if disagreements are likely to happen, then how do you go about resolving differences to the liking of him and yourself? Well, you can start by being totally honest. You should tell the truth. As an example, let's say you and significant other had a difference of opionions about him being late for a date. You are upset, and explain to him "if you really cared for me, you would make an effort here on time." Your partner, on the other hand, likely will defend himself by stating, "if you really loved me, then you would understand that I will not always be able to be on time."

In this example, the less obvious truth would probably be that you were hurt by him being late due to your own fear of not being as high on his list of priorities as your partner's other commitments. If you told your partner the truth at the beginning, he may have been much more willing to offer the reassurance that you were looking for. At that point, the two of you could have light-heartedly talked about, instead of fighting about, the expectations that you both have on the subject of puntuality.