The Three Forms of Love

Social IssuesRelationship

  • Author Michael Hoare
  • Published April 20, 2011
  • Word count 1,462

Love, in its various forms, acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, it is one of the most common themes in the creative arts.

There are three distinct forms of love: Eros, Philo and Agapé, which feature permanent and temporary natures.

Speaking of the latter, temporary love is the reason why many of us fall in and out of love. According to the first two definitions above, love is based on giving and receiving. If someone in the relationship is not receiving and or giving, the relationship becomes strained, and in most circumstances, ends. We have all experienced this type of love on our journey.

Eros Love

Eros can be described in different ways, e.g., romantic and/or erotic. This love is temporary because it is based on physical perception and/or traits. We have all experienced this. We are attracted to someone purely because of the way they look, talk or carry themselves, etc. I am sure we have even started relationships because of this. I know I have. This is the first stage of love. There is nothing wrong with it. We all need to experience it. It is part of the journey.

You put your best foot forward, dress nicely, and show off all of your best qualities. The other person usually does the same. It feels like you are on cloud nine. And as long as the both of you are getting what you want from the other, the relationship will last.

So it’s no wonder that you quickly fall out of love when things don’t go the way you want them to. You experience the other person’s "other" (less desirable) qualities. They say things that are not so nice and they do things you disagree with or that disappoint you.

It’s so easy to observe with our kids. When they first fall in love, we call it "puppy love." We can see that it’s simply physical and, while we think it’s cute, we know in our hearts that it’s just a matter of time before their young hearts are broken.

Can Eros be taken to the next level? Absolutely!

It all depends on our own emotional and spiritual maturity. Most of the time, relationships are taken to the next level through compromise and commitment. The compromise will be different for each of us. Some of us would or wouldn’t compromise as much as our friend, sibling, etc., does. So compromise (and the level of that compromise) is a personal choice. But make no mistake. The depth of a relationship on the next level will be determined by how much the two of you have worked through your emotional baggage. The emotional baggage could also be referred to as our "shadow side."

The commitment part is simply that. You’re both committed to the relationship and no individual can opt out without the both of you doing everything possible to work out the differences.

The Eros stage of love can last for a long time, but it is not eternal.

Philo Love

Philo love is described in some places as "Brotherly Love." In the Book of Revelations, the seventh church is named as the church of Philadelphia, which is known for its brotherly love. Philo love is a relationship of deep friendship.

Any relationship that starts with Philo love (or encompasses it along the way) is one that lasts much longer than Eros love. A romantic relationship that starts out on a friendship level and happens to build into a romantic relationship will have a much stronger foundation than one that is simply built on attraction. Friendship is the foundation of any successful relationships, be it marriage, dating, siblings, work, etc.

But just as Eros is temporary, so is Philo. While Eros is based on self, Philo is based on a mutual give and take circumstance. A partner will be interested in what they can get out of the relationship but, at the same time, they are concerned that the other party will also get what they need. But if there is imbalance, the relationship can end.

How many relationships in your life ended because the person moved away, the amount of time spent together had decreased for whatever reason, troubled words were said by one or exchanged by both, or simply because the other person had a different interpretation of something than you did? So, as changes happen around us or to us, this brotherly love can too change.

Can Philo love be elevated to the next level of love? Most certainly!

When the Avatars and great masters spoke of love, do you think they were talking about a temporary love?

But how can we honestly, truly love another if we do not love ourselves?

And how can we love ourselves if we do not know who we are?

Do you think you are that you are merely the body you inhabit? Do you categorize yourself only by the label bestowed upon you, e.g., mother, father, lawyer, nurse, etc.? Aren’t all of those designations constantly changing as you go through life? And if you’re in love with your body or category, what happens when they change?

The truth is that we are much more than those things. We are love itself. We are eternal; full of knowledge and bliss. The journey of coming to the acceptance of this great knowledge is what we are now experiencing.

Agapé Love

Agapé love is totally selfless. It is unconditional love. Agapé love rises above Philo love and Eros love. It’s when a person gives their love to another person even if this act does not benefit her/him in any way. Whether the love given is returned or not, the person continues to love the other without any self-benefit.

There are two types of Agapé love. There is human Agapé love and Divine Agapé love.

Almost every human being has experienced the human form of Agapé love, but the same is not true regarding Divine Agapé love. But make no mistake. Whether or not you believe you have experienced Agapé love, it is present in our lives.

A prime example of human Agapé love is the love between a parent and their child. In most circumstances, a parent continues to love their child no matter what their child does. You can also see this type of love in marriages. When a husband or wife says things to hurt their spouse, the other does not respond in a destructive way, but continues to be supportive, compassionate and pray for them.

The same goes for siblings. They can curse you, say they hate you, etc., but you still love them, all the while praying for them and forgiving them. It’s the same case when the parents are much older and can no longer take care of themselves. The child (or children) takes care of them, much the same way the parents took care of children when they were young.

Divine Agapé love is very similar the human kind. But in Divine Agapé, most of us will never experience a physical presence of God or The Divine. Our love of the Divine is dependent upon faith. Through this faith we do get to be in the Presence of the Divine in different ways. It could be through the human form of Agapé, it could be prayer, or it could be meditation. These are a few ways to be in the Presence of Agapé love.

I hope you notice I did not use the word "experience" when speaking of Agapé love. We must remember we do not look for anything in return. Today, in meditation and, sometimes, even in prayer, people are looking for results/experiences.

We pray because in prayer we are in communion with God. God wants us to commune with Him. The same goes for meditation; it is a form of communication with the Divine. We communicate with the Divine because of our love for Him.

Yes, the Divine is always showering us with His mercy, but in Divine Agapé love we are not asking for anything in return.

That, in a nutshell, is an overview of the three types of love: Eros love, which will only last as long as you have an emotional or sexual contact; Philo love, which is only going to last as long as the person gives you love in return; and Agapé love, which will always last, because it expects nothing in return and has no conditions attached.

My wish is that each of us will experience the forms of love that are right for us, at the right times in our lives.

Michael Hoare is a Certified Angel Therapy Practitioner ® and an Ordained Minister. He has been guiding men and women in spiritual matters for 20 years. Michael is dedicated to helping others free themselves from their repetitive cycles of self destruction and begin to use the foundational elements of Trust, Forgiveness and Acceptance as they begin a new life.

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