Are You Being TOO Efficient in your wedding planning?

By Maureen Thomson

Putting together a wedding--at least one of any significant size--is a lesson in organizing, attending to details and planning. The most organized of brides heft around a cumbersome binder, into which goes every receipt, timeline, to-do list, fabric swatch, magazine photo and any contact relative to her wedding.

And while I applaud such attention to detail, (I work with many brides, and believe me, I'd rather work with one that is overly conscientious than one who lets everything slide until the last minute!) I often wonder if the process needs to be as arduous as it's sometimes portrayed.

In writing a ceremony, I usually meet with the couples twice. At the first session-- in the beginning of the wedding planning--I generally meet with a relaxed and smiling couple who eagerly tell me of their wedding plans as we set about getting to know each other. At the second meeting, the purpose of which is to write the ceremony draft, I often seen no resemblance in this two-months-until-the-wedding couple to that couple with whom I met months earlier.

Brides are frazzled, family members aren't cooperating, the groom doesn’t do enough to help. Even the bride's mother hasn't come through in the way that the bride had hoped. In short, if this gal wants her wedding day to be anything decent and fun, she's going to have to do it all herself.

But let's back up the wedding bus just for a second. Why does the process of planning a wedding all to often turn out this way? And if it does, how can the frazzled bride who feels like she's going this journey alone be given some relief?

There's such a thing as being too efficient. If the first thing that comes to mind when you awaken in the morning is, "How am I going to get in eight hours of work (nine if you count the commute), run to my dress fitting, order my attendants' gifts and tally my RSVPs for the caterer?" then you're clearly over-scheduled. How long has it been since you awoke in the morning and thought, "Lucky me! The fantastic guy I love just happens to be crazy about me!"

Multi-tasking is overrated. Talking to your wedding planner on your cell phone while driving is dangerous. Snapping at your fiancé because you're exhausted from all the planning will ultimately damage your relationship, as will skipping dates and fun times because every non-working waking minute is handed over to planning the wedding. And when you try to do two things at once, both things get shortchanged. I've never met anyone who is truly good at multi-tasking--only people who think they are.

Some might tell you to scale back a bit. Personally, I don't think that's the best advice for every frenetic bride. If you think you can cut back on the personalized welcome bags for your out of town guests, the fan-shaped wedding programs, each of which has to be cut by hand (yours!) and shopping high and low until you find that perfect tiara, then by all means do so. But what if you don't want to compromise on your big day?

You don't have to, but you do need to ask for help, because it won't stop with the wedding. People who attract crazy-busy into their lives will continue to do so no matter what the circumstances. If you're running around like the proverbial headless chicken as you plan your wedding, you can be confident that you'll be attracting similar drama into your life when you're a soccer mom in 10 years.

Wow! As if being a soccer mom isn't depressing enough.

So let's work on that habit starting today. Here are some tips.

Ask for help. Three words...so simple...yet often so hard to enact. People can't read your mind. I know what you're thinking. "By the time I explain what I want and then follow up to make sure it's done right, I could have done it myself." Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe you'll be surprised and someone will actually do a task better than you could. Your bridesmaids, mother, future mother-in-law and even that guy of yours are most likely willing to pitch in. Here's a tip: write down what you want them to do and when you'd like it done by. Then take your hands off the wheel and let them drive. And keep in mind that there are many routes to the same destination. Just because something isn't done your way doesn't mean the end result will be imperfect--only different.

Divide and conquer. Do you really need to go with your fiancé when he's measured for his tux? Let him go on his own while you use the time for running another wedding errand. Meet for lunch afterwards.

See what you can buy online. Save time and gas by online ordering of your guest book, cake-cutter, garter, attendants' gifts, etc.

Say no to other things that get in the way of wedding planning. And by this I mean things that can take the hit of being put on hold for a while--not your relationship. The months leading up to your wedding are not the time to take on new projects, go back to school, start a new job (if you can help it) start researching your family tree or begin the hunt for a new car. Examine your life to see what can be rearranged or let go. Hire a cleaning service once a month. Eliminate social obligations that don't interest you (here's where the excuse of "I'm too busy planning my wedding can come in handy!) And while you're at it--cut back on your TV watching, or at the very least record your programs and skip over the commercials. Let your fiancé take the dog to the vet. Ask your mother if you can pop over once a week for dinner.

Insist on a once a week date with your honey. If that means you won't have time to order the chocolate fountain, then so be it.

Take the time to eat well and get enough sleep.

If you can't afford a wedding planner, then enlist the help of an organized friend to serve as an informal wedding coordinator. Pay her something or offer to return the favor when it's time for her wedding. (Just make sure her wedding is at least a year after yours!)

Develop a wedding-planning routine. Whether it's two hours at the end of the day, or Saturday mornings, or a mid-day lunch hour, develop a routine for when you'll deal with wedding plans and then stick to it.

Take some time off from work to plan the wedding. Yes, you want to save every vacation day for the honeymoon, but you need some time away before the wedding too, or you'll be too tired to enjoy the honeymoon.

Give yourself room to breathe, have some fun and enjoy this stage of your life!