Besides the pain, the anger and the confusion, perhaps the worst thing about the aftermath of a breakup is the total collapse of communication. You used to see each other all the time, talking, listening and sharing. But now there’s been a big row or a fight and it’s all ended badly. It seems as if talking is the last thing you’ll be able to do.

But what chance do you have to win a girl back if you can’t even make yourself heard? It’s all very well to call your ex girlfriend on the phone but the chances are you’ll have to talk to the machine and then you face the agonizing wait to see if she calls you back. Hours become days. It looks as if she’s not going to return your call. Is that the end?

It doesn’t have to be because there are tried and tested strategies you can use to compel her to call you. And you can turn that obstructive answering machine into an ally.

It’s a scientifically demonstrable truth that there are two powerful motives behind most human interaction. The first is curiosity and the second is self-interest. So if you can combine triggers for both these impulses in the message you leave, she may find it impossible to resist the urge to call you.

So you need to tempt her with some tantalizing incomplete information and at the same time suggest that there’s a benefit to her in calling you.

How about something like this: "Hi Becky, it’s Tom here. Listen, I’m really grateful for what you did – it’s been such a help. Why don’t you call me back so I can give you a special thank you?’

So without begging or demanding, you’ve planted the seeds of curiosity in her mind and also made her think she’s about to be rewarded for something she doesn’t even know she’s done. Unless she’s lost all interest in you, she’ll be calling you back sooner rather than later.

But one last thing – make sure you’re ready for her call. Plan what you’re going to say so that what she hears is as good as she’s expecting it to be.