If you forgive someone, does that mean you downplay or minimize the wrong that was done to you? Does forgiveness mean you are letting someone off the hook or giving the person a free pass?

I often listen to Dr. Erwin Lutzer on the radio and he has a wonderful ministry called, "Running to Win." Recently, he was speaking on a series called "Suffering Wrong" and was talking about some of the reasons why people hold on to offenses and refuse to forgive. He said, "When you forgive, you do not minimize, you punt the ball to the Supreme Court."

That statement really resonated with me, especially the part about minimizing. Many women who I have mentored find it hard to forgive because they feel that in doing so they are minimizing, or downplaying, the wrong that was done to them.

The feeling is that forgiving lets the other person off the hook; they get a free pass, so to speak. Something about a free pass just doesn’t feel right. After all, if the person is not remorseful or did not "pay" for what they did to you, then you are letting them off the hook if you forgive them, right?

Actually, that is wrong.

Forgiveness should be granted for a number of reasons: in obedience to God, because we also want to be forgiven for our sins, and for the benefit of being able to heal and move forward. The notion that forgiving gives your offender a "free pass" is a lie that many people believe. Forgiveness is not about giving something away and then getting shortchanged on justice.

If you are not letting your offender off the hook, or minimizing what they have done to you, what exactly are you doing when you forgive them? Well, a part of what you are doing is just what Dr. Lutzer said. You are punting the ball to the highest court in the U.S., the Supreme Court, and that is a metaphor for our highest heavenly court, which is God. You are turning the problem over to God so that Christ may carry the burden, pass judgment and render justice. Psalm 37:28 says, "For the Lord loves justice," so you have the guarantee that you will never get shortchanged on fairness.

It is unwise to view forgiveness as letting someone off the hook or minimizing what they have done to you. Put forgiveness in its proper perspective. Forgiveness is not about what you give away and it’s not about downplaying wrongdoing. It’s about what you gain: freedom, peace of mind, a lightened heart and a renewed spirit.