Forgiveness doesn’t happen without God’s intervention, but we also have a role to play in the process. St. Augustine is credited with saying, "Pray as if everything depends on God, work as if everything depends on you." This is a good illustration of our role and God’s role in the process of forgiveness.

I think sometimes when we pray about our broken relationships and ask God to make things right, we have the sincerest intentions. We want God’s divine intervention and we want Him to take the lead as we reach out to others and try to reconcile and forgive.

However, we run into a problem when things don’t happen quickly. When forgiveness and reconciliation do not happen on our time clock, we forget that we gave the problem to God and then we "take the problem back." Frustration and impatience set in, and we take matters into our own hands. If you’ve ever been at this point, you’ve crossed the line. You forgot that your role was to surrender the problem to God, and God’s role (through the workings of the Holy Spirit) was to work on changing hearts.

There are two factors in this process: prayer and work. Prayer is spiritual and work is human.

When you pray as if everything depends on God, you acknowledge that certain aspects of the situation are outside of your human control and you surrender to a higher authority. You put aside your desire to change people and fix things your way, and you get of out God’s way so He may do His work. The Bible tells us to wait on the Lord (Psalm 27:14) and do not be anxious (Philippians 4:6) and with earnest, you try to do both.

When you work as everything depends on you, you focus on things that are within your control: namely, "you, your choices and your actions." As you seek to strengthen your relationship with Christ, you ask Him to soften your heart toward those who have offended you. You pray for those who have hurt you in hopes they will allow God into their hearts so they may change as well. God’s mandate is not only to forgive, but also to bear with one another (Colossians 3:13), so you also exercise patience with your offender.

The next time you pray about mending a broken relationship, do not pray as if everything depends on you. Pray as if everything depends on God because, at the end of the day, it really does depend on Him. The process of forgiveness, healing and reconciliation will always go smoother when we adhere to our role and wait patiently for God to deliver on His.