Just imagine yourself sitting in a room thinking about your two friends. After high school, all three of you had marched down to the recruiting office together, struggled through basic training side by side, said goodbye to your families, and headed overseas. Now they are gone, you are all alone thinking about your family. You are thinking about your child and how she could grow up without you. Your lieutenant comes in with a worried look on his face. He says, “Men, we have been ordered to attack the town at the top of the hill in one hour. That’s the bad news; the good news is I have one copy of a map of the city, with enemy locations and landmarks noted on the map. You have one hour to memorize the map.” The lieutenant is worried. The unit has suffered so many causalities. The walled city will not be an easy target, and the men only have one hour to memorize all of the details. Before attacking the city, the lieutenant quizzes his troops about the map and battle plan. Amazingly, they all have near-perfect memory of the details. They attack and take the city with no causalities.

This is a true story from WW II, and there is a follow-on. After the war, army researchers wanted to study and reenact this event. But, instead of combat soldiers, they used a group of tourists. The tourists were given several hours to learn the same map as the soldiers. The tourists were given the same quiz that had been given to the soldiers. The tourists failed the quiz miserably, far worse than was expected.

So what is the difference between a group of soldiers and one of tourists? If your life is on the line, how motivated would you be? Yes, motivation is the difference. Knowing you can have a cup of coffee, French pastries, or a free tour of Versailles does not have the same motivation as knowing that learning the facts in front of you will save your life.

A common question from couples struggling in their marriage is, “can this marriage be saved, or are we sentenced to failure.” The answer is yes - if you are willing. Your marriage problems developed over some time. There may be a variety of underlying reasons for the issues. Both you and your spouse bring your own unique experiences and expectations into the marriage, as well as your own individual bad habits. These and the resulting behaviors must be identified, discussed, and redeveloped.

Marriage counseling is a process. An accurate map of the landscape of your marriage should to be investigated and developed. The landmines in your marriage identified and marked. And, a battle plan for overcoming the problems and building a stronger relationship must be drawn up. But it also takes a commitment to time, effort, and a willingness to change for the battle plan to save your marriage to be a success.

To answer your question, you must answer this question. How motivated are you?