"To become acquainted with kindness one must be prepared to learn new things and feel new feelings. Kindness is more than a philosophy of the mind. It is a philosophy of the Spirit."

Robert J. Furey

Breaking the ice

Approach people with your heart. Have you heard that saying, "he wears his heart on his sleeve?" Don't have your hands folded over your chest and if you are wearing a coat or suit, unbutton it. Show them you are open to them and they have nothing to fear. Treat acquaintances and non-acquaintances, with equal enthusiasm. First always be sincere, show a warm smile, don't just smile, but radiate warmth in your smile. Project an air of friendship, lean slightly toward the person, (but not enough so they will detect it) extend your hand in friendship, take their hand firmly yet gently in your right hand, place your left hand under their forearm and gently cradle it for a moment. When shaking a good friend's hand, firmly take their right hand in your right hand, cradle their upper arm in your left hand. A very good friend may warrant a pat on the shoulder. They won't even realized you've made this gesture, but they will have a feeling of warmth and friendship. This is a more familiar gesture and should be left to same sex greetings. When a man meets a woman be careful as to not be too familiar. If you enter a room where people are seated, gently pat your acquaintances on the shoulder as you pass by. Your friend will have a warm glow come over him/her because you are in their presence.

Your first word should be Hello or Hi, followed with your first name. Like, Hi, "I'm Don, how are you today?" be sincere in asking. if they want to elaborate, that's ok. Try to use their name at least three times in your initial conversation. If you have a problem with remembering names, write it down as soon a possible. This will aid you in remembering it. The more they tell you about themselves the more you will understand and remember them. Be empathetic, people love to talk and one of their favorite things to talk about is themselves. Listen to what they have to say, if it's important to them then it's important to you. Make them feel at ease, like an old trusted friend. People look for common ground, the number one thing you have in common with them is that you are another person. Start from there and look for other common ground on which to build. Perhaps a hobby or book, by bringing a common denominator into your conversation a bond is established between you and your new found friend.

Always remember, a friend is a person you can trust and hold in confidence while a business person is an associate, and in most cases, not a friend. Although, sometimes an associate can also be a friend.

People are comfortable with whatever is closest to them. It's because they feel a kinship or connection. The more alike you can be to someone the more likely they will accept you. If you are too different then he/she will see you as a threat and automatic defense mechanisms will be enacted. This process is an automatic response and usually not detected. When asked, "why don't you like so-in-so" the answer is usually, 'I don't know, there's just something about him/her" that I don't like." You can't quite put your finger on it, there's just something not right. The truth is, everyone passes judgment on others.

To override this automatic response system, you have to; first, be aware of it. Second, counteract it, and third, rebuild it. How do you do that? Always remember, confidence, confidence, confidence. You must gain their confidence. When you are aware that people run on an automatic response system, you are better able to look for signs in them that will empower you to penetrate their physi. With this newfound knowledge, you can touch them in a very special way. It's a check and balance system where you recognize their reaction and feed in the correct responses. Look at like a chess game or game of checkers. They make a move and you respond with a move. If you better know in which way they are going to react, then you can be prepared to counteract.

It's not really difficult. You can draw people to you if you are vigilant in your understanding of human motivation machinates. Be aware of what motivates those around you. Your parents, spouse, children, lover, fellow worker, employee, boss, pastor or anyone else is not you. They don't think like you because their perceptions are different than yours. They have their own agenda, and it's not yours. So, don't get unhappy, mad or upset when other people don't perform like you. This is where many people run into trouble in their quest for success. The people around you may not see you as anything other than what you have always been. They may become a deterrent to your efforts. It's nothing personal, they just don't have the prospective on you as you do. This is the time of proving. Be subtle about your transformation. It doesn't count for anything to do a lot of boosting of what you are going to be doing. People don't want you to change, they are used to you as you are. In fact, you may present a threat to them. They may have to change to keep up.

"People may or may not say what they mean ... but they always say something designed to get what they want."

David Mamet

People love to talk about themselves and be recognized as individuals. When you make a special effort to complement someone on a job well done, or send them a note just saying "have a good day" it softens their defense system toward you. They will be more open to you. Again, listen to them, they will tell you their likes and dislikes, and soon you will know what makes them tick. Always be truthful, when you complement someone, do it in all sincerity. If you lie, they will know it and their defense mechanism will hold you off. Everyone has mood swings at some time or another. Different things trigger moods for different people. Be aware, a bad mood may be difficult to penetrate. On the other hand, moods activate emotion and many times, people are more vulnerable when influenced by their emotion.

Women love complements about their personal appearance. They take a lot of time to make themselves visible. They don't like to feel invisible or left out. Women are proud of their accomplishments and love to have someone tell them when they have done a good job. Men on the other hand, are less responsive to personal complements. If they have been making some special effort like dieting, exercising, etc. they will respond if told they are "looking good". Men respond to complements about their work, hobby, status transportation, family or some thing they are proud of.

A distinct internal trait of women is vanity, which is driven by emotion while men lean toward self worth and strength as dominating traits, which is driven by logic. Women tend to be concerned with outward appearance, not for attracting men as much as impressing other women. They need to project an image for approval. Men tend to be concerned with "strength image" they need to be strong in all their association with other men and women. They portray themselves as a compassionate protector as well as a willing provider for their females. They also need to be completive, intelligent and successful in their encounters with other men.

In conclusion:

People want to be recognized and complimented for their looks and good deeds. Because people are social they are drawn to those who are most liken to them. Also, because they are competitive they tend to be defensive toward someone they don't know.