More often than not when we are involved in a break up our emotions get the better of us. We enter into what starts out as a civilized discussion about getting back together and before we know it our emotions take over and our talk turns into a knock out, drag down fight! This happens frequently because most of us don't have a set plan or strategy in place when we do talk to our ex's. If you are having trouble getting your ex to return your phone calls you may need to reconsider your approach and try a different strategy.

What do I mean by that? Are the types of messages you are leaving your ex deterring them from returning your calls? Your ex will react either positively or negatively to the tone of the message that you leave. This reaction is either going to be positive (they will return your call), negative (they won't return your call), or indifferent (they just don't care). Obviously we want the reaction to be positive to get a return phone call. But here is fair warning - you must have a plan in place to implement when you do get that return phone call. Without a set plan of how to handle the return call you could jeopardize the relationship even more.

In this article I will outline a few strategies that you can use to set a positive tone with your ex that will greatly increase the chance that they will want to return your phone call. Are these words magic? Not really. Our emotions usually set off a negative tone when speaking with an ex which is why we need to use a strategy that will help keep our emotions in check and set up a positive tone.

Before learning which strategies will help you get your ex to call you back it is important to learn which ones almost never work. Two of those include pleading and the emergency. Pleading sets up a feeling of desperation and really gives the upper hand to your ex. When you plead to them to call you back you are the one in need. You have given control of the situation to them. Now you have to sit back and wonder if they will call you. Pretending there is an emergency also doesn't give you control over the situation and if your ex calls back and there is really no emergency this may aggravate the person even further.

Wouldn't it be better if you could use a strategy that incorporated words that peaked the curiosity and increased the interest level of your ex so that he or she would feel compelled to call you back? Which message would you be likely to respond to:

"John, please, please call me. This is the 3rd time I have called. I HAVE to talk to you."

"Hi John. It's Cindy. I wanted to let you know I appreciate what you did for me. Call me because I want to thank you in person."

Does one of these messages strike you as being more compelling than the other? Can you see how the first message gives control to your ex and leaves you looking desperate? On the other hand the second message heightens the curiosity level of the reader and makes them wonder what they did that you appreciate. The message is also in a positive tone which does not put your ex on the defensive like the first message does. He or she is more likely to call back as a reaction to the second message.

Having a plan in place when your ex calls you back can make the difference between success and failure. You need to determine what your ex did that you appreciate and how did it help you. If you want to minimize jeopardizing the relationship further you need a well thought out strategy. Your strategy to win your ex back will involve what you do before and after the phone call is returned as much as it involves what is done during the return phone call.